• Xenforo forums over the past few months have been seeing spam posts from existing user accounts. Bots hitting forums using lists of emails/passwords leaked elsewhere. We strongly recommend that all users change their password ASAP.

Im in my last

P

painfully

Active Member
#1
#1
As I said in my introduction, Im very lonely. I have always been... I have been alone all my life. Im 35 now, and I felt the intense loneliness already when I was 15...

Always thought I wouldnt get to 30 yo... But it went so fast... Due to depression, all days were the same...

But then always thought I wouldnt make to 40 yo... I think this time its going to happen... Im already old. Nobody wanted me when I was young, weak, boring and needy. Being old and having that is even less likely... I have been alive to see if a miracle happened and found somebody, but the obvious happened, which is nothing...

It hought at 40 yo it would just be 0 chance of finding somebody. But then I thought, 39 isnt that far from 40, I would be already cooked... And 38... And 37...

I just feel Im in my lasts months... I wanted to say years, but I feel the end getting close, so close that this time I can see it, not like the other times where it was a "plan for the future"...

There is a chance that Im a coward and I wont do it... But at the very least, the massive hit of being 40 yo... I dont think I could deal with that... I just hope I kill myself before getting to 40 yo. Because everything is already lost now... Im basically punishing myself by living... I should have died when I was 20 yo...
 
Ruben

Ruben

Well-Known Member
#2
#2
I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I'm 32 right now, and have never been in a relationship. So I can relate. Are you struggling to let go of that previous relationship you had? Is there something that happened today that was difficult for you?
 
1964dodge

1964dodge

Has a monkey as a friend
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#3
#3
painfully said:
As I said in my introduction, Im very lonely. I have always been... I have been alone all my life. Im 35 now, and I felt the intense loneliness already when I was 15...

Always thought I wouldnt get to 30 yo... But it went so fast... Due to depression, all days were the same...

But then always thought I wouldnt make to 40 yo... I think this time its going to happen... Im already old. Nobody wanted me when I was young, weak, boring and needy. Being old and having that is even less likely... I have been alive to see if a miracle happened and found somebody, but the obvious happened, which is nothing...

It hought at 40 yo it would just be 0 chance of finding somebody. But then I thought, 39 isnt that far from 40, I would be already cooked... And 38... And 37...

I just feel Im in my lasts months... I wanted to say years, but I feel the end getting close, so close that this time I can see it, not like the other times where it was a "plan for the future"...

There is a chance that Im a coward and I wont do it... But at the very least, the massive hit of being 40 yo... I dont think I could deal with that... I just hope I kill myself before getting to 40 yo. Because everything is already lost now... Im basically punishing myself by living... I should have died when I was 20 yo...
Click to expand...
40 is a milestone. most peiole freak out at 50 i did it at 40. once you hit that number you will find out life goes on. maybe you can set goals for what you want at 40 and try to reach those goals. you are not a coward for not killing yourself, actually it's the opposite, you are very brave to keep fighting

mike....*hug*console*shake
 
C

Congratsbaby

Well-Known Member
#4
#4
painfully said:
As I said in my introduction, Im very lonely. I have always been... I have been alone all my life. Im 35 now, and I felt the intense loneliness already when I was 15...

Always thought I wouldnt get to 30 yo... But it went so fast... Due to depression, all days were the same...

But then always thought I wouldnt make to 40 yo... I think this time its going to happen... Im already old. Nobody wanted me when I was young, weak, boring and needy. Being old and having that is even less likely... I have been alive to see if a miracle happened and found somebody, but the obvious happened, which is nothing...

It hought at 40 yo it would just be 0 chance of finding somebody. But then I thought, 39 isnt that far from 40, I would be already cooked... And 38... And 37...

I just feel Im in my lasts months... I wanted to say years, but I feel the end getting close, so close that this time I can see it, not like the other times where it was a "plan for the future"...

There is a chance that Im a coward and I wont do it... But at the very least, the massive hit of being 40 yo... I dont think I could deal with that... I just hope I kill myself before getting to 40 yo. Because everything is already lost now... Im basically punishing myself by living... I should have died when I was 20 yo...
Click to expand...
I might not be able to help you but I want to say I understand you and I empathize with you and I wish you healing , genuinely.
Feeling lonely sucks , I know it because I am one.
It does eat you alive. It snatches away your life's purpose , worse if you had people and things or a life that enjoyed and now it's gone.
Despite it , there can be beauty found in the world , just enough to keep us going.
I urge you to seek that out , look around. Love has no age you know , living has no age. Being alive has no age. I don't believe so , I hope you find things , people and most importantly yourself.
It can be difficult and maybe it's not right for me to say it as I am 16 but YK I believe our worth is not connected with anyone and we so often forget that.
I wish you good. And I hope you won't harm yourself.
 
Jezah81

Jezah81

Well-Known Member
#6
#6
If a loser like me can find someone at 43 I'm sure you can too! I thought with my disabilities and depression that id never find someone! I found someone who's 39 and she's a perfect match for me and were getting married next year! Dont give up hope to find someone. There's an ass for every seat!
 
Fbr27

Fbr27

Well-Known Member
#7
#7
There are a lot of lonely people in the world. I'm not saying you should be with anyone, but people are way more tolerant with bad traits of their partners than it looks like.


I think the problem is just about finding the right person.
 
P

painfully

Active Member
#8
#8
You are very mistaken. It depends on what kind of bad traits. Women will be with criminals, robbers, scammers, drug dealers. They might even be with broke and drugged people... They can be with pretty much anyone with the worst traits

But the thing that women dont tolerate is weakness and being needy. I know because its always the same story. Needy = fuck off
 
Fbr27

Fbr27

Well-Known Member
#9
#9
painfully said:
You are very mistaken. It depends on what kind of bad traits. Women will be with criminals, robbers, scammers, drug dealers. They might even be with broke and drugged people... They can be with pretty much anyone with the worst traits

But the thing that women dont tolerate is weakness and being needy. I know because its always the same story. Needy = fuck off
Click to expand...

Well, you are right in some aspects.

But it depends on your definition of "needy" though. Most women, even more those that are "older" very much dream about a men who is skillful and does chores and things for her.

Is that being "needy" for you? Lots of women care for husbands who are kind, honest, and resourceful. Of course you have to be a little handsome though.
 
Fbr27

Fbr27

Well-Known Member
#10
#10
Have you ever tried to "flirt" or talk to any woman? Do you have any psychological issue or physical that makes having a partner harder?

Maybe even a change in your wardrobe can make you attract more other people.

The hardest thing is finding someone you truly love.
 
full

full

SF Supporter
#11
#11
painfully said:
As I said in my introduction, Im very lonely. I have always been... I have been alone all my life. Im 35 now, and I felt the intense loneliness already when I was 15...

Always thought I wouldnt get to 30 yo... But it went so fast... Due to depression, all days were the same...

But then always thought I wouldnt make to 40 yo... I think this time its going to happen... Im already old. Nobody wanted me when I was young, weak, boring and needy. Being old and having that is even less likely... I have been alive to see if a miracle happened and found somebody, but the obvious happened, which is nothing...

It hought at 40 yo it would just be 0 chance of finding somebody. But then I thought, 39 isnt that far from 40, I would be already cooked... And 38... And 37...

I just feel Im in my lasts months... I wanted to say years, but I feel the end getting close, so close that this time I can see it, not like the other times where it was a "plan for the future"...

There is a chance that Im a coward and I wont do it... But at the very least, the massive hit of being 40 yo... I dont think I could deal with that... I just hope I kill myself before getting to 40 yo. Because everything is already lost now... Im basically punishing myself by living... I should have died when I was 20 yo...
Click to expand...
Hi, at times I feel the same, neverending suferring, but then there are day inbetween when none of it matters. As a paraphrase from a movie Gladiator, we are already dead people.
 
Licorice

Licorice

Well-Known Member
#12
#12
Women will consider a man who is weak in some ways if there's something he brings to the relationship. Women don't necessarily mind needy men; they are often needy themselves, so they can meet each other's needs. But it's tough to find a woman who wants to spend her life with a partner who is interested in nothing and doesn't want to do anything. This anhedonia is the root of your problem. It's a very common symptom of depression, and it's not possible for any other person to fill that need in you. Even if a woman tried, she would fail; it simply can't be done. But if you can somehow find the strength to deal with your anhedonia first, other aspects of your life would probably improve. I wish you strength and good luck.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$20.00
Goal
$255.00
Donate View
Top