I spend half the time "grieving" my past mistakes. I daydream about what would be my life if I had some support from other people.
The rest I keep thinking about people I vaguely know that have girlfriends, wife and etc.
I don't know exactly the feeling I feel about that. It feel like envy, but I know it is empty and sometimes I feel like my life is better than their lives somehow. But I keep endlessly comparing myself to other, and feeling inferior than they, but it isn't clear for me in what part I feel worse than they.
I feel this kind of anguish about my life going nowhere, but at the same time I have energy to change it, but I just don't know where to begin. I feel like I know what I want, but I don't know how to give the first step.
I have to do it alone, but I need other people to help me.