I hate everything about me

I am skinnier then a skeleton, I am a skeleton. My face, body, legs, arms, etc are disgusting, literral horror. Everytime I look into the mirror I wish I hadn't. I don't even look in the mirror to see myself anymore, I rarely look in the mirror or anywhere you see a reflection any longer. I walk with my face looking at the ground, so I don't look at others, and they don't have to see how disgusting I am. I wear big clothes to hide my body. I cannot gain weight 'cause of my eating disorder. This life doesn't bring me enjoyment, never has, never in the last 6 to 7 years. I know my purpose but what does it serve when I don't want to exist as me? When I don't want to be here anymore?

I hope you are getting some kind of help for your eating disorder. With that said, I pray that you learn to love and appreciate your body for what it is. There is nothing wrong with being thin and I bet you are beautiful. Do you feel that others who are thin also look "disgusting"? If not, why would you treat yourself any differently?

I have never met a person as thin as me. Everyone of my "friends" and acquaintances are very attractive, espeically if they started really caring 'bout looking good, but me? They've told me that i'm ugly before, also when they bullied me a lot they would tell me to kill myself, no one likes me, that i'm ugly etc. They definitely thought it was just teasing, but for me it hurt a lot. I'm the only person who can look this disgusting, ugly and, terrible. I'm a terrible person, I act before thinking, I say my actual meaning and it hurts others.

They are certainly not your friends if they have done these things. Telling someone to kill themselves and calling them ugly isn't teasing; it's abusive. Please, stay away from these people.

Even if you are thinner than most, it doesn't mean that you aren't beautiful.

Kikin, your posts are raising a lot of concern in me. You are very, very hard on yourself. I am so sorry that you are suffering from an eating disorder. When did that start? What brought it on?

You are probably telling yourself that everything you've posted here about how ugly and hateful you are is the truth, but I don't believe you're thinking straight or seeing yourself clearly. If you have an eating disorder, your brain as well as your body may be starving, and when the brain starves it starts to malfunction.

I am getting the impression from your posts that you deeply hate yourself and assume everyone else hates you too. I am so very sorry you're suffering so deeply. I hope you keep posting and tell us more about how you got into this state.

I'm autistic, and when I was two I "stopped" eating food. I would see food and would say "I don't like it" even though i've never tried it. I can't eat in front of my family either, 'cause my Dad's parents would comment on my eating patterns everytime we would eat at their place. I think they kind of understand it now, but they still don't want to accept guilt for stuff in other areas which I will not go into detail about (privacy reasons.)

Acting before thinking is something a lot of people do. It doesn't mean you're a terrible person. The fact that you feel so bad about hurting others shows that, in fact, you're not a terrible person at all, but a sensitive and caring person. A really terrible person doesn't care when they hurt others.

I'm so sorry you're having such a struggle with food. It can be exhausting, cana't it? My older son was the same as you with food. For years all he would eat was pasta, cheese, chicken, blueberries, bananas, and cucumber. And crackers. The pediatrician said it was a balanced diet so i just let him eat what he liked and didn't try to force him. He's a grown man now and has still never drunk anything but water. From the age of about sixteen, the list of foods he was willing to tolerate started to expand, and now he'll eat most things - but not soup, not pizza, and not tomatoes.

I know how you feel about people commenting on your eating. People often do the same with me, either saying I am eating too much or too little. Also, food and I have a difficult relationship as well. I don't really know how much to eat to maintain my weight and either give into hunger often or fast for too long. Again, I am sorry you are suffering, and I hope you are getting help for your eating disorder.