Terrified of parents dying.

Hi, I have no husband or children of my own and no friends. My only social support are my parents and one of my brothers. I am terrified about my parents dying, I spend most days alone as it is and am in a very vulnerable situation having been sectioned on mental health wards several times. Has anyone been in a similar situation or has any advice? Thanks x

That is frightening for sure. Are your parents elderly or unwell? Even if not it's surely a frightening thought. But most people do experience and manage it, I wonder if you've spoken to rhe brother who is supportive about it

Well, at least you have time. See it a little more positive. My parents disappeared (both of them) unexpectedly and in one moment. I was just called in the morning at 0600, informing me (both times I was abroad). There was no good bye... and it was very hard. Why do you concentrate so much on your parents? Did you never try to find real friends? Can your brother help you? What I do not understand from your short message is, why you had to go to the psych ward... afraid of losing parents? Or other reasons? Do you rely on your parents financially, housing etc.? Explain a little more please.

Hi @Empress00. I'm in the same boat. My mother died when I was 15 and my father is now 88. He will not be here forever, I know that. All I can say is, make the best of the time you have with them. Value each moment.

My parents are in their 70's, so maybe another ten years. For further information, I used to be a social butterfly and qualified lawyer but came down with a serious mental health condition in 2014 and have lost everything and everyone in the following years except immediate family, I rent my own place but live 10 minutes from my parents x

I understand. And on top of this, the superficial contacts we all have during our life. Most of them disappear - even families, kids... I have gone through this. Just like you I was from a certain moment on no longer able to work - but for me it was 30 years abroad and many years in war torn countries. Sudan broke me (when the civil unrest started) and ever since I have to fight.

I am happy for you, that you have your own place, that you can take care of your parents. If you are a lawyer - maybe I would do something social, like consumer protection or so. You can be free, no payment - but of great use. And you would find more reliable, honest people. But that is just a fantasy of what I would probably do.

Anyway, just to let you know - you are NOT alone in this world and there are more people who understand you than you might think. O am one of them. And if by any chance you ever come to Spain - be sure to contact me.

When you're here, there's a sense of being less alone because many of us understand.

It's wonderful to me that you have a good relationship with your parents. I did not but that is okay now as it has been gone through in therapy and I understand the reasons.

I'm sorry you feel frightened by their aging. They may also feel worried.

We all are kin to all life that has ever been on earth; eventually ceasing to exist.

The love we share in the moment is the best defense against fear.

hug

Thank-you for all your messages, it is difficult not to fear the future after certain events in the past, I appreciate your understanding and having someone to talk to 👌 x

Just wanted to say I'm listening.

I’m terrified too of my parents dying. I’m coming up to 34 and my parents are both 60. They do so much for me but I am aware that they aren’t getting any younger, which upsets me. Over the past few weeks they’ve sorted out their wills and power of attorney. It brings it home that they won’t be here forever.

Yeah, I feel as if had my life gone to plan I wouldn't be as worried but bearing in mind my current circumstances, they are all that I have and the only people I even speak to x

Particularly if conventional treatments haven't been adequate, you might find something helpful in these two links (to pages on SF):

Chinese Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture, World's Second Largest Medical System

Self-Treatment and Miscellaneous

If your mental health improves you'll hopefully be in a better position to deal with any issues that arise with your parents.

Are you seeing a therapist now or are you getting any other form of treatment?

Unfortunately, yes. But true, things may improve in the next few years, however loneliness is still likely to be a factor as I have given up on life now.

Don't know you at all but you sound like a fantastic person. I'd bet lots of people would be glad to know you. Maybe you'll find some people here that help you and give you some sense of belonging.
In any case its not unusual I don't think to fear this. But it doesn't make it any less terrifying.

Awww thank-you so much for your cute message @snails I think I have lost a lot of confidence as scared to even leave the house these days and feel like everyone hates me it is great to have found this forum and to have received supportive messages I am just trying to take it one day at a time and build back some strength like @may71 says the situation may hopefully improve in a few years x

I understand 100%. My patents emigrated from central Europe to Canada on their own. They met here. I'm an only child. My mother wasn't able to have another child due to what happened to her while growing up & the stress of living with my father (he was emotionally, mentally, & physically abusive towards her). Both were estranged from their families of origin due to all kinds of reasons. My father died when I was in my mid 20s & my mother died a few years ago. I'm all alone now. Not a good feeling at all. There are times when I think if I disappeared tomorrow, it wouldn't matter to anyone at all.

So sorry to hear that @mosaic hearts and thank-you for your message. I told my mental health support worker that I was feeling suicidal and she was really nice, saying, 'the world is better with you in it, you have a lot to offer' and it made me feel better, I am sure the same is true for you too 🤗🩷 xx

Hi @Empress00
Sorry things are so tough for you at the moment. I lost my dad in November last year. I can remember being scared of losing him since I was a little girl, now 55! The best advice I was given was to make sure I had no regrets and that I had said everything I needed to before he passed. I did just that, I made sure that he knew I loved him and I also knew he loved me. I thanked him for everything he had done for me and as an adult I was able to look back and see just how amazing a dad he was. For me, I also wanted to be with him at the end, I know that not everyone feels that is right for them, but I knew I wanted to be with him and hold his hand as he passed. For me, it gave me great relief, knowing he was no longer in pain.
So I think what I’m saying is, make the most of the time you have, you could have another 15-20 years. My Dad was 90. Make sure that you have done and said everything you need to with your parents and try not to allow these years to be clouded by fear of death. One of my therapists used to tell me - no regrets. You will be in a very different place in 10-15 years time as well. Im sure they would want you to be able to continue to have a fulfilled life. Make the most of now and let the future take care of itself. Xx

Hugs Mosaic Hearts

I know that's got to be a scary and horrible feeling. I know you said your dad was abusive, but do you have any good memories about either of your parents?

Thanks for your message @Holding my breath I am trying to spend quality time with them now, it's nice you had such a good relationship with yours I hope you don't miss your Dad too much x