Back and other pains

I don't know what I'm going to do. I can barely move. I have no one I'd get help with my things that need doing. My place is a mess. I need to get a lump checked out again, and I've recently felt more in other places. I only had an ultrasound months ago, and they said it was a benign sarcoma. They can't know if it's benign without a biopsy. And I'm a little scared, but I also welcome it if it's cancer spreading. I've sort of thought, don't go for that cat scan, don't get the lump looked at again when they asked me to go for another ultrasound on this lump. Now I'm getting twitches in my hand and I think it's pressing on some nerves. But I'm stuck. I used up my piddly dose of oxycodone because of how bad I feel. My doctor only gives me the absolute bare minimum.... it's a joke really what he gives me. Nobody would get real pain relief after 5 years on the same doseage. It's like my doctor doesn't care. I don't care about anything right now but getting relief from the pain and being able to clean this place up, it's embarrasing. I don't know how other people tolerate pain, I feel i've had enough in my life. It is making me want to give up. I know I shouldn't have upped how much oxycodone I had. I'm going to be miserable for several days before I can get any.

Pain is lousy shit. I have body pains myself. Exercise helps me, but only a little. I don't know if it would help you, but it might.
Please accept my sympathy

Thank you. I did just try to walk, it's my own fault for not getting out of bed and moving everyday. Didn't get far. I was much better a year ago renting a room. I like to help people when I can so the guy lost his cleaning lady. I offered to do it, on the condition I could do one part at a time. It made me feel better. They say housecleaning doesn't count as exercise, I do. Sure I took my oxycodone after because I hurt, but if you don't move at all you stiffen right up.

I'm sorry you have your own body pains yourself.

I hate doing the cleaning. I would rather do 20 push-ups from the floor than clean my home.

lol i only like cleaning another person's home that they ask to be cleaned regularly. Myself, I can put up with my mess until I can't anymore, and then try to tackle it.

This is the only place I feel free to complain. I still have my gallbladder. I had a ''gall bladder'' attack last weekend, I know for almost 20 years I've put up with it because I had a surgeion tell me to get it out. I didn't. Then had another ''attack'' and yes it really hurts like I'm going to explode. By the time you see another surgeon, he just said, well your not describing the symptoms, you don't have them, and I left. I did have them

I swear our healthcare here wants people like me, to not waste their efforts and precious beds for 'sicker' people,that's what i felt when i went and waited about 7 hours to finally see a doctor, for him to tell me to try to get in the next day. I was so sore and soooo tired. My phone didn't ring, I have bad service here. But when I woke up I called back, they said come back, did an ultrasound. Waiting for results. I just have a gut feeling they will brush it off and say I don't need help. My s.i. joint hurt so bad from sitting in a wheel chair, I couldn't tell them I feel the other pain anymore.

I'm tired of this country and where the whole friggin world is going. I feel like for most of us, this world is going to go to hell in a handbasket, it already has. I've even got to use up my savings to pay for things. I know that sounds petty, but it isn't. If I hadn't listened to my worker I wouldn't be wasting it all on an apartment.

I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I have an appt with my p doc. I used up more meds than I should have. I couldn't sleep, worried about my son, and my family doctor refused to give me some seroquel for a couple nights sleep.

If I mention pain to my p doc, I probably will be assessed sp? I mean recommended because of it not to drive. But driving is my only freedom here left.

I remember an older nice lady, I used to do her hair. I remember her joking with the other ladies back then, that her buick was her big ol rocking chair. That's so long ago. Now, I get it. I need to drive to get places. I gained a lot of weight over the winter from not being able to get out. Otherwise, I'd have cleaned off the car of snow, and walked around in Walmart. Not to shop really, just to walk around, minus 20 or more is too cold to walk.

I really hope he coordinates with my family doc, and they cas assess that I'm fit to drive. Sure, I hurt, but I hurt more laying around. I wish my family doctor would up my opiod dose even by one pill a day. I don't know how to convince him that I really do need it. Pain keeps me up at night too.

Also, by tomorrow, I'm writing this here, so I can remember. I need to ask my family doctor what the results were from the hospital.

All I found out today, they sent results to my doctor, is signs of fatty liver. I didn't drink much in my life. i'm wondering if taking so many medications has caused it, and my diabetes. I'm looking up things that are healthy to hopefully get on a better diet.

Also, the secretary told me he sent my medical review to the place that decides if I can drive or not. I've been waiting so long, I hope he made it right because I'm still able to drive.

I would have been out to a large store or mall for walks if I could drive. I'm getting exhausted. My gallbladder attack went away again but it should be scheduled to be out soon. My doc wont help me unless I get a ct scan and I don't know why, I was supposed to get an mri which is much better than all the radiation from a ct scan. I'm tired of hurting. Not enough pain meds.

I just wish there was a way to make my doctor understand how bad my back and s.i. joints are. I didn't walk far today, but doing laundry, and bending and picking up things really f's it up. I've tried before, he wont give me more oxycodone. I showed him I'm taking Robaxacet, and the opiod, I don't even know if he cares anymore. Whining done.

I should know by Friday if I get my licence back. I asked what he put on it. My psychiatrist is obviously smart, he said to leave it with the family doctor, because the less attention the medical review get's the better. Right away I said yes that makes sense. He gave me another new refill for both meds I over used. He's known me for a very long time and he knows I don't want to be on medication and try to lower it many times.

It felt good that he trusted me with it. I needed the extra diazepam because of everything going around in my head. I finally made up my mind to book an ultrasound to recheck the sarcoma. I can tell it's grown a bit. Hopefully it's benign. I still wish I knew how to get more pain meds, I mean my opiod. 5 years coming up soon on the same lowest dose. It does still help lessen pain.

I don't know if anyone will see this or have experienced this, but for quite a while when I wake up or I"m in bed relaxing, all of the sudden I get this feeling going from my feet up to the top of me like an electric fence shock. It's not horrible, but waking up with it I'm getting tired of it. All I want is to go back to sleep but it's also like a restless feeling and I end up getting up anyways. There's people with much worse problems. I'll keep this going to help me remember what to tell my family doc when I see him.

Thank you @Lifeisthis I tried it. I don't like the voice going repetitive from left headphone over right headphone. I did notice pain where it is, oddly. It reminded me of the one I like, it's Michael Sealy on youtube so I'll try that later I hope you are well when you read this.

I understand how debilitating a bad back and other pains can be. Every part of my spine has some major issues with it and the exact words my doctor gave me after she saw my MRI results were “your lower back is disintegrating “. That was great to hear when I was only 50 years old. My physical therapist (insurance mandated I had to go to before they’d do anything else) said I have the back of a 75 year old person. Luckily after a week she said no more because it was only making it worse. I also have arthritis in both knees so just getting around is a constant painful experience. There’s nothing they can do for my back except burn the nerves which would have to be done every couple of years so I just live with the pain. A good night’s sleep is impossible. Just doing everyday things is a painful, miserable experience. I don’t take pain pills because I have an addictive personality and don’t want to get hooked on them. But anyway enough about me, I just wanted you to know I get what you’re saying and I hope you can get a doctor who can get you some relief. Being in such pain everyday takes a serious toll on you and I wish you the best my friend.

Thank you
I was recommended a CT scan and I'm a bit of a health nut or something, it's a lot of radiation. My family doctor was on the way to get me an mri but now refuses to do that unless I get the CT scan. I better remember to make another appt with my family doctor, because at this point whatever radioligist that read the x-rays I had would have nothing to do with it.
I'm sorry for you that you are in so much pain as well. I do take pain pills, if I run out then I use robaxacet. I'm realizing that using it once a day is best just to get relief for a couple of hours. it's an opiod and it is addictive, but it still helps for a bit.
Maybe the radiologist saw something and that's why I need a cat scan. It's just that it's up to 150 times as much radiation as one chest x-ray. Thank you for taking time to post to me, I appreciate it. I wish you the best too.

I purposely missed appointments. It was early February when they looked at a lump and called it a sarcoma. This is sick of me, but I let it go, not getting it looked at because I wanted an excuse to not have to live anymore, and suicide would be obvious to my family because ''I'm the mental health problem'' of my family. I finally realized I'm scared of it. It has grown. I ignored it a lot, don't look at it, think it's nothing. I go on Monday to have another ultrasound. I think I piss my doctor off for missing those appointments. And I actually had to request a biopsy because they called it a benign sarcoma with just an ultrasound. It can't be diagnosed as benign without one. I'm tired of feeling like I have to do the work the doctor is supposed to care about doing.

For a long time he wouldn't get me on the wait list for an mri because a radiologist asked me to get a cat scan. If I'm repeating myself I'm sorry. Anyways, I wonder why I feel done in life and yet now looking at the lump, noticing bruises on me and not knowing where they come from, I'm now nervous to see what they'll do for me. I didn't allow myself to think of the obvious. I'd want this lump and bumps around it removed even if it turns out benign. I don't care about having an ugly scar. But why am I just this past week starting to care that it might be spreading and I might die. That's what I was wanting and now I dont.

I'm occupying my mind tonight because I'm so worried about my son and there really is nothing I can do to change anything tonight. I feel stupid, useless, and like it's my fault (it is) if my son isn't ok tomorrow. And I sound like all I care about is me but it's not that.

Can you do physical therapy or accupuncture

I've thought of accupuncture and it might be covered under disability but I dont think so, unless my family doctor says it's needed.

Getting nervous after ''wanting'' cancer, going to an ultrasound this afternoon and then wait and see what they do. I can feel it grew but I dont trust my own thinking, maybe it didn't.

Told my brother they cant say it's benign unless a biopsy, and he said no you dont want a biopsy because that can make it spread. So I googled a bit about it and stopped, I cant obsess over it but it says that's very unlikely. it could just be a fatty lump for all I know. My back pain is better and I think it's partly because i switched to using the couch with no springs in the think foamed cushions.

Getting nervous, then realizing i'm googling too much. I looked at the screen with the ultrasound. The first time it didn'tmake sense, all I could see was lines and her taking pictures in random areas. This time, i could see that it's a sac but I think its fluid, i'm not an expert so I'm obsessing. I felt around my chest and painful areas. Maybe I've always had that.

It sounds awful, but it really would be a better way to die than suicide. I still wake up and hate my life. I want my younger son to do better. My older still doesn't call, so after waiting all week I called him and he answered. But he wouldn't say, when I asked him ''when do you want to go for dinner with me'', when. I'd love to see him. I drove out to where he lives last weekend, maybe he thinks I need to back off. But if he would just call me once in a while, even once in 2 weeks or something, it would be better. Anything other than me calling and chasing asking for time with him.

He's done well for himself but he also has had a huge amount of struggles. I just miss him. He can make me laugh about myself. But I can't mention my younger to him, he gets angry that I'm a bad parent.
I'm tired. Took all morning waiting for my mostly angry son to leave and now I feel I can breathe and take a shower. I cant swear on it, but he does steal, and I looked everywhere where my air pods would have been and cant find them. It's just material, but I have upstairs neighbors that never leave. And I'm serious. They never leave, only the daughter sometimes takes the dog for a walk. It feels a bit better to type this out.

I just want to add that I'm not suicidal and the part I hate about my life is that my younger son isn't getting better with his life. And there are days I think of it, I just get tired of being alone and not having friends that call. I'm hoping after a month of not talking/calling my brother, he'll call and ask how I'm doing because he knows all I'm dealing with. I really do love my brother, he wont say it for whatever reasons he has, but right now I'm thanking the possible God if there is one, that my brother talks to me. He helped me out in life, just doing things with me as kids to distract from the chaotic house.

I'm not looking for advice, I'm venting.

Well, I kicked my younger out last night. He isn't changing. He promised to help me with things he can help me with. I'm so sore from picking up his mess. He knocked on the window today, I said come in and let's talk. He doesn't really care to listen. He left quickly and grabbed the charging cord I need for my phone and computer. He's being an a** to me.

I tried, I really did, to be a good mom. I'm sick, and he takes advantage for years. Of course I realize he can only do that when I put up with it. But I'm done. I finally picked through more of his mess and found one air pod, and there is no way it ended up there unless he did it. He lies, steals, and calls me names, disturbs our neighbors in the building. I already feel ''ostracized'' if that's the word, my neighbors dont talk to me. I've tried to be nice to them. It doesn't matter. They probably think I'm a bad parent or person for having a son that behaves that way, loudly calling me names.

I'm so tired. I told him I'm sick, I don't tell him I have anything wrong unless I find out I do. He should understand, I am disabled and he makes me do all the looking after everything. I know this should be somewhere else, this post I mean. I had good advice the beginning of the year to not put up with his behaviour, but it was so cold out I couldn't leave him out.

Then in, then out. .. it's time to let him figure out where to go, he's complaining he's hot. There's shelters. He has his own money, call it welfare.... doesn't pay for anything he eats, or destroys or steals. I'm done. I'm not materialistic but I have limited money to get through the year. ..... I want Tuesday to be here and hear from my doctor that this lump isn't something to be concerned about. I'm sore in my back. I cant not take something for pain. My heart has been racing for weeks. Cant get into my doc until about 2 weeks from now.