Worried Spouse

I was replying to a thread about fear of retirement and realized I was going down my own rabbit hole and hijacking what should be a positive thread. So, thought best to move here at least is a better fit (I think). We moved to a 55+ community and it was a good fit when we moved here about 5 years ago. But now realizing that we probably should have moved to a life care place when we could health-wise as now othat wont be possible. So admit am fearful of what the future may hold for us as we have no family except each other. My husband's brother stopped talking to us over a year ago and despite my husband extending an olive branch several times still no response. His other brother who lived in Ireland with family passed three years ago. We don't really have any friends that can call upon either.

So, as I realize my husband is in the latter stages of most likely congestive heart failure,-- currently experiencing iron deficiency, restless legs, edema, COPD, extreme fatigue, AFIB. I am so worried about him as his health is worsening rapidly it seems. He's getting more bloodwork tomorrow and sees his primary dr. next week. But also realizing that after a certain age so many ailments get written off as well it's to be expected because of x, y, & z. I feel so helpless as there is nothing that I can do to make him less frustrated, angry, depressed, irritated etc. I have cataract surgery on Thursday and even though he is insistent on taking me day of and the mandatory day after appointments I find myself wondering if I need to try again talking to him about me getting an Uber. All I do is busy work around the house, barely eat myself, have stopped all activities outside of the house except necessity items (grocery shopping, dr's appointments, walking our puppy [don't even ask about that]). I guess this is just a vent and if anyone has any advice/suggestions on any of it I guess. I am finding myself at a loss I guess....

Hello Kiwi

It is unfortunate that you are having to face challenges without the ideal support system @ extended family.

It is selfless of both of you to tend to the needs of the other whilst facing your own health issues.

It is great that your love and support of one another is still strong.

I wonder though if there are community services within the senior community that you reside in. Transportation and companionship.

With technology these days, you could suggest to him that you get transportation but will video chat with him through the process so that he feels supportive of you while you’re in route and at your appointment. It sounds like he will worry about you if he’s not a part of this procedure with you.

Maybe with transportation services you both can attend and not have to drive yourselves.

I wish you the best as you figure out what’s best and practical for you both with your residence, support system and other aspects of concerns.

thank you...your suggestions are so appreciated...will give that a try...

This must hurt a lot, and sounds like it's stuck on endless loop for you. Try to quiet it, at least for now. I'm sorry. It's true, to a certain extent, that there's not much you can do. You can adapt to this new, challenging state of affairs. He can, if he has an open mind, get some therapy or read up on what it means to face certain things towards the end of a life well lived. -> There is so much you are already doing Kiwi, the main one being that you love him and he knows that, and he loves you too. Remind yourself and him of this and include a hug.

You're going into a surgery for your eyes and it'd be best for you and your husband to allow yourself to focus (sorry, no pun intended!) on yourself until it's over and the healing part happens. Maybe while you're resting after the surgery, you 2 can have a chat about finding support resources and writing them into a notebook to keep by the phone or on a bench in the kitchen. That's what my parents did and was calming for them to feel a bit organised, a bit in control.

Best wishes and (h) if wanted. I hope you keep us posted? We're all behind you and sending good, healing thoughts.

@Oizys Moros has great suggestions there.