I am in so much pain

I am triggered by how my appointment is at 10 in the morning. Because I do not want to be perceived as a morning person.

I am also triggered by how when the appointment was booked I didn't do anything about the time (because I want to appear passive). Because having poor planning skills also worsens my dysphoria.

I am struggling to cope with complex trauma, gender dysphoria, severely low self esteem, emotional dysregulation and executive dysfunction. Every day is a battle. I feel crushing distress and emotionally overwhelmed and triggered by everything almost all the time. Very rarely do I feel okay or functional. and never ever do i feel happy or great.



Leaving the house is significantly triggering for me. It breaks my heart whenever I see people that have traits I want to have in myself but I do not. Being perceived in a way I do not like causes me overwhelming unbearable emotional distress. And I get sensory overload as well. I feel like more people than I would like to believe somehow recognise me in public, even far far away, I don't know how they would but they just do, and they make fun of me, and it makes me very shaken.

You are heard

I really doubt they gave you a ten a.m. appointment because they looked at you and decided you were a morning person. They gave you that slot because it's convenient for them. Or perhaps it was the only slot available. You are adding greatly to your own distress by imagining that everyone is constantly thinking about you and judging you in the same way that you think about and judge yourself, when in fact human beings just aren't like that. Most of the time we're all too busy thinking about ourselves to give more than a passing though to anyone else.

This is basically true. But I will say that when my social anxiety was at its worst, even truly knowing that people don't really pay much attention to me didn't help, lol. What did help was doing anyway the things I didn't particularly want to do. Or maybe over time it just got better.

Hugs 3nuf