A message to a loved one who has passed.

Our loved ones are never far from our thoughts and depending on where we sit on this grief journey, its often a rollercoaster of mental and emotional challenges that can take us to the darkest depths of despair.

Grief can take away so much
beyond the loss of that person including our sense of identity and purpose in life.
We can be so easily triggered by everyday things such as a piece of music,the way someone talks or walks ,a certain smell for example and these things may telaport us to a moment in time like it was yesterday.

I have started this thread as an expression of feelings and thoughts.
Naturally ,we can come from a place of graditude for the times that we shared but there is a massive septrum of emotions that sit between the denial and acceptance phase of grief and these are very real ,valid and extremely difficult to cope with.

We may all have our coping mechanisms or ways to remember and honour someones memory but equally, just writing a few words may also help on a personal level to acknowledge and start processing how we feel.

I dont want the thread to have too many limitations but be an open space.replies can be as brief as a few words to more detailed accounts.

It could act as a journal or messager for our loved one.
If I were to write a few words to my hubby i feel my message may be openly received compared to just keeping these feelings to myself.

I hope it helps , sometimes we do revisit our older posts and are surprised at the progress we have made and this could be the case here when people reread earlier posts as time progresses.
Thanks for reading.

So So Tired

I will start, I have always been angry with hubby for leaving us especially as he was meant to love us!!
I express a sense of forgiveness because I now acknowledge it was not his choice.
(This is massive for me !)

I miss you. the world went a bit darker when you died. I know you'd still be calling me a mouse, but I've been trying to be the bravest possible. I hope there was no pain. I found the lost ones and brought them home, and they're okay.

I carry so much guilt over your death, if I had been there on that specific day (like I was every year before), I could have saved your life. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you like I told you I would be. I miss you everyday.

I don’t mention it often because what’s the point, but mixed in with the sadness and the guilt and everything else is a lot of anger toward my wife.

She didn’t do it on purpose, but it was something she did to herself.

She didn’t get rid of all my problems, but being with her was like succeeding at the thing that mattered most (something that I’d been very insecure about before). I finally felt okay about myself, if not the rest of life, when I was with her, but she ripped that away in the worst way possible.

Jessica, I love you and I miss you. My life is still defined by your absence.

Dad, I think you knew that I loved you but I don’t know if you knew how proud I was to say “that’s my dad” when I met someone you worked with.

Also, I had a hard time making friends when I was young. When he met them, my dad did what he could to make it easier to keep them.

He was very nice to them, to the point where kids who weren’t related to him thought of him like a favorite uncle or something. For real, I had more than one friend who called him “Uncle [first name].”

Dad, I saw what you were doing and really appreciated it.

Thankyou for sharing .

I know how difficult this can be.

I have lost many friends and loved ones. It is never easy in the short term. But in the long term they are waiting for us to join them. Whatever anger, guilt, or grief there was is forgiven. When it is our time it will be a loving reunion. All the ears dried and only our love to share again.

Such a wonderful description. How I long for this reunion.

I hope to god this is true, and act as though it will be. I don’t know, honestly probably not, but it’s the only thing that would make enduring life worthwhile.

I visited your grave today to take away the flower pots to refresh ahead of fathers day when your son will come to visit.

I wonder if I will ever be able to come to the cemetery without leaving with tears running down my face and without the heavy sense of injustice.

Its so unfair that you died and left a son that was only 7 at the time and forever asks if you would be proud of him as he makes great achievements in his life.
I wish you were here to hug him and tell him yourself because it would have meant the world to him.

I remember the times when I lay on the ground directly below your headstone because I wanted to lay near you - I watched as daytime turned into night and sunshine into rain.I remember the time when I lit a candle for us all bc I walked directly to my attempt spot; to then be picked up by the police.

I love and miss you more than you will ever know.I wish you could have stayed longer and my heart didnt feel so broken with a soul that feels equally as fractured and lost.

I wish you were here so much
I cant do this alone
When will the pain and sadness go
Im broken

we are here for support

I hope you would be proud of me. You said i disappointed you because i was smart, but i never worked hard. Well, i've become someone who works so hard, every day. I know i'm not what most parents would want their children to become, and sometimes i feel like such a failure and embarrassment. But i'm a good person, who tries to make a difference. I hope that'd be enough.