Ideas & Opinions "You are not alone" isn't the phrase you think it is.

I get where you’re coming from. I am hurting my brain trying to recall any certain situation where this could apply properly. I can only think of a loved one’s death when family are agonizing


My peeves are phrases like
“it could be worse”
“Someone has it worse than you”

My therapist used that so much. I abso-effing-lutely hated it.

It’s not a competition and someone having it worse doesn’t lessen the impact my situation has on me.

…..know that “you’re not alone “ in this thought process

laugh with me please
I meant it jokingly 🫣

When I use the phrase "you are not alone" I am not offering sympathy or understanding. I am using it literally meaning there is someone with you all the time watching over you. We all have a spiritual guide that is with us at all times. We are spiritual by nature only visiting the physical for the purpose of learning about ourselves and others.

I get where you’re coming from. I am hurting my brain trying to recall any certain situation where this could apply properly. I can only think of a loved one’s death when family are agonizing


My peeves are phrases like
“it could be worse”
“Someone has it worse than you”

My therapist used that so much. I abso-effing-lutely hated it.

It’s not a competition and someone having it worse doesn’t lessen the impact my situation has on me.

…..know that “you’re not alone “ in this thought process

laugh with me please
I meant it jokingly 🫣

One thing that people often say to those who are suicidal is "You're not alone". This is a phrase used to convey empathy and understanding. However to me it does not convey such. All it conveys is that your problems are inevitable, unfixable roadblocks that everyone either continuously suffers from or ends their life over. There is no solution to that problem and you're only gonna keep suffering from it like a thorn in your side.

i do say you are not alone or more accurately i say you aren't alone anymore you have us to talk to. it's not the same as irl but people can connect here with people that care.

mike

I tend to use the phrase in the sense of: you are not alone because there are people who know how you feel not just because they are going through it but because there are those that have been through it. I think once you have experienced something you are part of the group that knows how that something feels forever, even after that something has passed. I try to use the phrase "you are not alone" when I'm trying to convey the idea that I've been in similar places, I know how much that sucked to deal with, and I'm here for you while you fight to make it through

TL;DR version: If it is a blithe suggestion from someone who cannot empathize with our condition, then I disregard it. By contrast, if they have or are in a similar place, then I take it as, “You are not alone; I/we are with you and understand.”

Long-ass version:
I may have an idea of what you’re getting at. All too often, people who don’t experience powerful impulses to self-destruct offer unhelpful and even damaging advice to people who are struggling.

As you have already intuited, they usually mean well. The main reasons for the useless suggestions is that they are uncomfortable such that they want to “solve” the problem by suggesting what they think we should do, and/or they don’t understand the struggle with pain that is so intolerable that we can only see death as a way out.

However, we don’t have to take their discomfort and assumptions on board. Telling us to just suck it up, or almost any suggestion that starts with “just…” is like telling someone with a broken leg to “just” walk it off. I know that it’s painful to not feel understood. We all need to feel “heard” so to say, and someone can only feel heard when the other person understands that pain from the inside.

So - with all that said, when I hear “you are not alone” from people who share my problems, I do usually find it soothing. People in SF are a self-selecting group in that we sought out a place where we could discuss our experiences with others in the same boat, and stuck around because SF helps.

….. but if there is an actual solution the solution is always TIME

Time doesn’t make it go away. It’s time passing causing the problem to be shifted underneath new problems.

A never ending cycle 🔁 🔃 🔄 constantly rotating in all directions