I know it seems a bit petty but I don't know if I really have any friends at all. I can't remember the last time anyone called or messaged me to do anything. I also can't remember the last time I was able to enjoy any of my hobbies. I own a out 70+ board games and it has been maybe 2 whole YEARS since I opened any of them. I tried cooking a crawfish boil for my neighbors but I could never get the propane to work, and when I could it would always rain. Even during my fucking birthday nobody told me happy 40th birthday or asked what I wanted to do. I exist to do part-time work and sleep and nothing else. I'm sick of just existing. Where has everybody gone?
Not having any friends
- Thread starter ThanosIsKing
- Start date
I know we don't know each other but I definitely hear where you're coming from. I have faced something very similar to your story and it is heartbreaking. Despite all the let downs, it sounds like you have a unique spark that I wish more people had. You have heart to cook for your neighbors, a fun personality that has 70+ board games, you genuinely sound like a very fun person to be around. Sometimes this life can get lonely and cruel but you can find joy again. That kind of life might feel far off right now; but it can happen. Please don't give up.
You know, it's a really good question. I was literally this minute reading an article on this very topic in the Guardian
https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/ng-interactive/2025/jul/10/male-friendships-midlife
I don't think it's a "you" problem. Like Cool Hand Lou said, you seem like a cool guy. It seems to be a societal problem. So I'm guessing there's plenty of guys within shouting distance who'd love to have a friend like you but just don't know how to make those connections. The potential friends are out there. The question is, how to find them? And how to get past the initial awkwardness? For me the answer is: go where people are. I have a male friend aged 67 who is really, really good at striking up conversations with other guys in bars and finding pals to hang out with that way. Where else can one find people? At sports clubs, at board game cafes, at DnD games when they're advertising for new players, at volunteering, at AmDram.... Where my son lives there's a senior centre for 55 and over (55 is a bit young to be called "senior", IMHO, but whatever) and if I lived there permanently I'd be down that centre every day playing euchre and doing whatever else they have on. Even if I didn't make any bosom buddies I'd have somewhere to go and things to do with other people.
I'm not gonna lie - I think video games have contributed to men's loneliness. I play video games myself so I understand their appeal, but they can be so much fun that everything else seems to pale by comparison - and yet they are fundamentally a solitary activity. It's easy to end up isolated in one's games room. I don't know if you're in that boat. Porn creates a similar situation, since it's low effort, high reward - and solitary.
https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/ng-interactive/2025/jul/10/male-friendships-midlife
I don't think it's a "you" problem. Like Cool Hand Lou said, you seem like a cool guy. It seems to be a societal problem. So I'm guessing there's plenty of guys within shouting distance who'd love to have a friend like you but just don't know how to make those connections. The potential friends are out there. The question is, how to find them? And how to get past the initial awkwardness? For me the answer is: go where people are. I have a male friend aged 67 who is really, really good at striking up conversations with other guys in bars and finding pals to hang out with that way. Where else can one find people? At sports clubs, at board game cafes, at DnD games when they're advertising for new players, at volunteering, at AmDram.... Where my son lives there's a senior centre for 55 and over (55 is a bit young to be called "senior", IMHO, but whatever) and if I lived there permanently I'd be down that centre every day playing euchre and doing whatever else they have on. Even if I didn't make any bosom buddies I'd have somewhere to go and things to do with other people.
I'm not gonna lie - I think video games have contributed to men's loneliness. I play video games myself so I understand their appeal, but they can be so much fun that everything else seems to pale by comparison - and yet they are fundamentally a solitary activity. It's easy to end up isolated in one's games room. I don't know if you're in that boat. Porn creates a similar situation, since it's low effort, high reward - and solitary.
And that's the major thing that the Dark Times of 2020 caused. I met most of the friends I used to have through MeetUp for a board game group. I was part of several in Denver and was looking for one here in central Illinois so I just went and almost everyone became a friend within like 6 months. Now MeetUp is barren. The only FLGS keeps putting on Magic game nights and never lets other things like board games D&D have their own night.
Yeah that's the issue I've found as well. I keep going back to video games because there just isn't anyone who is responding to my inquiries. That and people have equated multiplayer games as "social" when they really aren't.
Yeah that's the issue I've found as well. I keep going back to video games because there just isn't anyone who is responding to my inquiries. That and people have equated multiplayer games as "social" when they really aren't.
Right? I mean, it’s a habit while lifespans are getting longer, but 55 is middle aged nowadays. 65 or so would be the ”cut-off” for seniors if I was in charge. Right around retirement age (though few enough people even can retire nowadays).
@ThanosIsKing; your last sentence really summed it up. It’s harder and harder to find anyone anymore. Used to be coffeeshops and bars were packed. Now they’re a ghost town.
Used to be, if you went out, you had put in real effort to not strike up a conversation with a stranger. Now they’re nowhere to be found.
@ThanosIsKing; your last sentence really summed it up. It’s harder and harder to find anyone anymore. Used to be coffeeshops and bars were packed. Now they’re a ghost town.
Used to be, if you went out, you had put in real effort to not strike up a conversation with a stranger. Now they’re nowhere to be found.
The main secret to the popularity of video games is that they allow you to get quick results. This targets the dopamine system, and it works. In real life, everything is much slower. And if there isn't enough pleasure in real life, people choose video games.
However, people do not have much enjoyment in life because our world is ruled by psychopaths. They do not care about our feelings. All they care about is money.
However, people do not have much enjoyment in life because our world is ruled by psychopaths. They do not care about our feelings. All they care about is money.
I won't say exactly, as it might identify me to people I know, but I've been getting into tattooing since I had this relationship break up. It's not my first tattoo, this is my third session. I love the experience, there is really nothing quite like it, drugs and sex don't even match up to it.
I have these bad dreams every night about the missing person and it really helps to look at the tattoo when I wake up in the morning.
Have you had/ got tattoos?
I have these bad dreams every night about the missing person and it really helps to look at the tattoo when I wake up in the morning.
Have you had/ got tattoos?
I have a few
I do have a few, mostly religious in nature (I’d call myself an agnostic, even before I started getting tattooed, but the imagery still speaks to me).
And I agree with you about the process. I don’t quite know how to describe it, but you’re very awake and aware during and for a few hours afterward.
I’m leaving on a trip soon but, once I get back, I’m going to start saving for my first one in years (just some text, a small one).
I do have a few, mostly religious in nature (I’d call myself an agnostic, even before I started getting tattooed, but the imagery still speaks to me).
And I agree with you about the process. I don’t quite know how to describe it, but you’re very awake and aware during and for a few hours afterward.
I’m leaving on a trip soon but, once I get back, I’m going to start saving for my first one in years (just some text, a small one).
And I am apparently the opposite. I love social activities but I can never find friends to do them with. Nobody wants a karaoke duet like I would do last year and it's been impossible to get that game night off the ground. Being an umpire is I guess the next best thing because my partner and I are forced to work together?
Man I wish you lived near me, Thanos. I love karaoke and I love board games. My problem is I live in a country where the language they speak is not my first language. This makes me shy. People try to interact with me, but I get stuck on my lack of vocabulary. I like it best when they just talk to each other and I can listen and slowly build my skills.
Having friends is too dangerous and intimate to me.
Maybe the problem with friendships in the modern era is that most of our friendships back in the pre-internet days were built out of habit and social customs.
You woke up and except the television, there was nothing you could really do except meeting other people. Smartphones killed that.
Now only extroverts can really have friends because they naturally can.
Maybe the problem with friendships in the modern era is that most of our friendships back in the pre-internet days were built out of habit and social customs.
You woke up and except the television, there was nothing you could really do except meeting other people. Smartphones killed that.
Now only extroverts can really have friends because they naturally can.
Happy 40th you sound like a really nice person. You always got us but you can a join a club like maybe yoga or a art club or join fitness club. Church is another option. Anytime you want to talk we will be here for you. Unfortunately its not like our parents or grandparents times when everyone is outside so we got to make alittle effort these days to get close to people
I do appreciate that. Yoga sounds like something I really should look into. I'm not working out nearly enough when baseball is not in season and I do need a workout in my downtime. Art is another one I should look into. Church, though, is a big NO. Let's be diplomatic and say that I have...a short fuse for BS. I agree though that we need to spend a lot more effort to talk to people IRL these days than during our elders' time.
That said I did get dragged up to Chicago for a horror convention called Flashback Weekend (half-willingly; I tend to spend a lot more money at these things than I should lol). I did get to meet Jeffrey Combs. I only knew him from Star Trek where he started out as the Vorta Weyoun but went on to play I think 4 or 5 different alien characters. He was really cool but I when I meet these people I always think of a fun question like the day after I've already left. I kinda wanted to ask him about enunciating every word he says and how long it took him to get a feel for that with the typical American tendency to mumble everything. Also got a few new DVDs which is going towards a new project. I have like 6 going at once. Well actually 2. I'm trying to make LEGO builds of every Enterprise that has been featured in a movie or TV show. And now I'm trying to collect every movie featured on MST3K...unriffed.
That said I did get dragged up to Chicago for a horror convention called Flashback Weekend (half-willingly; I tend to spend a lot more money at these things than I should lol). I did get to meet Jeffrey Combs. I only knew him from Star Trek where he started out as the Vorta Weyoun but went on to play I think 4 or 5 different alien characters. He was really cool but I when I meet these people I always think of a fun question like the day after I've already left. I kinda wanted to ask him about enunciating every word he says and how long it took him to get a feel for that with the typical American tendency to mumble everything. Also got a few new DVDs which is going towards a new project. I have like 6 going at once. Well actually 2. I'm trying to make LEGO builds of every Enterprise that has been featured in a movie or TV show. And now I'm trying to collect every movie featured on MST3K...unriffed.