Today is bad.

I’ve been getting more and more down. This weekend felt like it went on forever and ever, creeping toward Monday. And now I’m here and tied into another week of wishing I wasn’t alive. I keep reading stuff about how futile existence is and how the world is rigged toward the successful and nothing can be done to change it. Yesterday I read an article about how Wall Street is rejoicing because ceos are cutting headcount at radical rates and this is a major step forward. And I’ve been part of it for decades. It’s so strange.

https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/caree...96d66?st=2pcEtG&reflink=article_copyURL_share

I feel like individuals don’t matter at all and the world of capital doesn’t want them to matter except in the aggregate of spending money where it’s directed by advertising. And I feel so hopeless. Every month I get another request to justify the math of how many engineers we can cut and still make production timelines. And we are already radically profitable. It’s just an output of how many dollars can the company use to buy back shares so that our large cap investors like Bain can make more money.
I don’t like anything about who I am or what I live for.

I keep thinking about how good it feels to sleep and that death would just be like this and it feels like such a good idea

Capitalism does truly suck. I hate that you don't like anything about who you are and your livelihood. But none of that is really your fault. You didn't create the system we live under. It was here before we were born. It's kinda like that Billy Joel song "We didn't start the fire. It was always burning as the world was turning." I hope you get to feeling better. I'm assuming you live in the United States. If the temptation to die gets to be too much or you find yourself creating a plan, please contact 988. It's worth it. You're worth it. You seem like a good person with a real moral compass. We need as many of you as we can get. Your life is worth living. Please don't give up.

Stop doing this.

There's a saying, I can't remember where it's from, that even when the Roman Empire was collapsing people found ways to live lives worth living.

Remember:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

We care about you life is worth living. We are here talk to a threpist join a church do yoga. U always got us too

Why are so many LOTR quotes getting more and more relevant lately?

That's a rhetorical question, right @LumberJack? Subjective response: Part of why SF helps me to stay alive are the situations in the world fueling their relevancy.