Mental illness and relationships

I’m not sure why I keep thinking I can be in a relationship when I’m so screwed up mentally. It’s cost me every relationship I’ve ever been in. If I met someone I was honest from the get go about my struggles and get the I can deal with it response. Well they never can because I’m such a mess. I make mountains out of mole hills, overreact to the smallest things and cause stupid fights over nothing. I truly try to be a good partner but in the end the mental illness side always wins. So I will no longer do this, it’s not fair to them. I’ve hurt enough people along the way over the years and I’m done. I will do the right thing and be alone until the day I die which I hope is soon. I just wish I could be normal, be loved and love back. But apparently it’s not going to happen and I have to accept that I’m a miserable person to be around. So to all I’ve hurt along the way I’m truly sorry and hope you can forgive me, but know that I will never forgive myself for hurting you. It wasn’t on purpose or what I wanted.

I'm sorry it's been like this for you Dexter.

Hopefully there's a way you can learn to react differently. I don't think you have to throw away any hope of ever being in a relationship because you've had some problems in the past. Believing that you can't be in a relationships because you over react is itself overreacting.

Please be gentle with yourself if you can be.

Have you tried online dating?

Yes I have, didn’t go over too well.

They always turn out to be different from what you imagined
This is my experience.

Yeah sometimes that can happend trust me it has happend to many people online dating or not so please dont feel bad. I had luck with bumble where girls message you first if you match. Also match.com was pretty good you can also try meet ups with people or meeting someone at church or whatever relgion you are