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How do I stop feeling in a bad way about my partner?

Jwjba

Jwjba

Aiswearqod
#1
#1
Lately I've been noticing something bad. My attitude towards my partner is rapidly deteriorating. I've just been feeling..annoyed with them, maybe?
When they text me I just can't help but feel like I want them to shut up, especially when they rant about something I don't even want to listen about. When we hang out, I am so easily irritable with them and we fight way more, and even when everything's fine I just can't wait for them to finally leave. Seeing them multiple days in a row is a torture, too
I've never felt this way about them and it scares me. When I start having these things in a friendship, for example, it always leads to me starting to hate this person altogether. And I don't want to stop loving my partner, I don't want our relationship to be over..even if it's not as good as it used to be and I find a lot of faults in my partner and things that annoy me and feel like we're not even compatible it's still.. comfortable? Not in the way it feels. In the way it is. We share too much, our entire social circle knows eachother, I can't just throw so many years of dating and knowing eachother as friends out the window.
I want to stop feeling like this but I can't. I tried everything - to let out my frustrations, to take breaks with myself, it just starts to feel like something's wrong in the very relationship at this point..I just can't do this. And I also can't break up. Don't want to
 
may71

may71

mr. may
#3
#3
I'm sorry this is happening.

Members here have recommended a couple of phone apps for couples counseling. One is "lasting" (based on experience), and the other is "paired" (based on reading a favorable review).

I hope things can get better soon.
 
Inastorm

Inastorm

SF Supporter
#4
#4
Hi, Im going through a major break down of a relationship at the moment and if I could go back in time, the one thing I would work on together is communication. Our communication was too combative and im right your wrong from both of us. A relationship therapist is a good idea but we tried it and it didnt work for us. Do some research on communication or get a book, you could maybe read it together as an activity. I think its natural to be defensive initially, so maybe expect that if you raise this with your partner.
 
Jwjba

Jwjba

Aiswearqod
#6
#6
may71 said:
I've read that the top predictor of a relationship staying together is the ability to communicate about things that you're unhappy about in a non-aggressive, or even affectionate way.
Click to expand...
I think it's the problem we have. We can't communicate at all. Even when I try my best my partner just shuts me out and gets defensive. Even at the smallest things. I can't talk with them about anything without them starting to get aggressive and victimizing themselves. That's why I don't even try anymore and just hold it all in. Makes me physically sick
They're a very anxious and insecure person
 
G

Gard

Well-Known Member
#7
#7
Jwjba said:
Lately I've been noticing something bad. My attitude towards my partner is rapidly deteriorating. I've just been feeling..annoyed with them, maybe?
When they text me I just can't help but feel like I want them to shut up, especially when they rant about something I don't even want to listen about. When we hang out, I am so easily irritable with them and we fight way more, and even when everything's fine I just can't wait for them to finally leave. Seeing them multiple days in a row is a torture, too
I've never felt this way about them and it scares me. When I start having these things in a friendship, for example, it always leads to me starting to hate this person altogether. And I don't want to stop loving my partner, I don't want our relationship to be over..even if it's not as good as it used to be and I find a lot of faults in my partner and things that annoy me and feel like we're not even compatible it's still.. comfortable? Not in the way it feels. In the way it is. We share too much, our entire social circle knows eachother, I can't just throw so many years of dating and knowing eachother as friends out the window.
I want to stop feeling like this but I can't. I tried everything - to let out my frustrations, to take breaks with myself, it just starts to feel like something's wrong in the very relationship at this point..I just can't do this. And I also can't break up. Don't want to
Click to expand...
The first thing that came to my mind: a little solitude wouldn't hurt. Just don't let it go on too long.
 
O

Oizys Moros

Well-Known Member
#8
#8
It is a struggle when don’t want to break up but also feel like you’re opposite on many levels.

Re-evaluate and reflect on how you communicate with them.

Determine what makes you annoyed with them.

Let them know that they are long-winded and you lose interest in what they are saying because you can’t stay focused.

When rants are too long, casually interrupt by saying “I see your point” then start new topic.

I sometimes say, “it’s okay if we are silent”

I believe it is okay to express the irritants with your partner in a healthy way. How else can you overcome them?

Also know that you could be irritated with yourself and are projecting your inner frustration onto your partner.

Hope things work out positively for your situation
 
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