Am I A Bad Dad?

Context: My son has hearing issues caused by an asinine of severe hearing infections, Gestalts Syndrome and Apraxia. He doesn’t communicate normally. Multiple sets of tubes in his ears to help with the hearing issues.

I’m at my wits end. He isn’t any sort of autistic that we can find. He doesn’t get any markers on tests or anything. He can’t hear and because of that he can’t talk. They say he hears fine but if a child mimics what they hear, he talks like he doesn’t hear us or us under water. Mouth closed kind of talking (apraxia).

He only talks in scripts. He repeats what he hears and uses it in a context that it is useful so he knows when to use things. For example; What is this? It’s an…octopus!

This is how he talks. It’s a normal thing for Gestalts in children, but it’s still frustrating. As his vocabulary improves, this has gotten better but it’s still an issue. As he gets older his scripts get wider and wider, but it’s still frustrating and at times, making it impossible for him to communicate with us which just leads to screaming from him.

Am I a bad dad for getting frustrated? When I snap or ignore the thing he’s saying because I genuinely don’t know what he wants? I tell him I don’t know what he wants and his response is cry and scream louder. I don’t yell, I just give him a sharp tone. When I feel like I went too far (which is always) I apologize to him. The worst times are when we are driving. I can’t do anything to help and it’s awful.

I feel like I’m stuck. He’s in therapy for these issues, but it’s just a long struggle. There have been points where I resent him, but I’ve gone and gotten help and have turned that around. I don’t resent him any longer so much as hate the issues he has and what he is going through. It isn’t his fault and I know that, but I just don’t know what to do or how to handle it.

Am I a bad dad for having resented my own child? Am I a bad dad for hating him for what he can’t control? I’ve never mistreated him, but I still feel guilty. It took talking to someone on a regular basis after a…problem that led me here.

He doesn’t dislike me, he isn’t afraid of me. He’s always happy to see me and I love him with my whole being. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to him and I’ve never ignored a problem with him which is why we have found what we have.

Am I a bad dad?

I don't think you're a bad dad.

However, I wonder if a AAC or sign language would help him communicate and therefore alleviate some frustration on both sides.

I don't think you're a bad dad. I don't know what AAC is, but I like @AlopexAngel's suggestion about sign language.

A meditation practice, or someone other way to keep yourself calm when dealing with your son might help. It might be better to just walk away rather than get angry with him. You haven't explicitly asked for any advice, so I'll hold off on saying any more.

That's really good. That's the foundation of being a good parent, you just have to work on the details.

@H3artl3ss696 You are not a bad dad. You are just a frustrated dad because you want your son to have the very best, but his health issues prevent that. The sign language mentioned above could be a big help. Also, is he able to write? That could be another way to communicate. It would be slow, but better than nothing. Keep loving that precious boy of yours. You can only do your best. Or perhaps get opinions from additional doctors.

AACs are assistive communicative devices. Usually a tablet with pictures. Touch the picture and it says a word. String a bunch of pictures together to form a sentence. It's slow going, but would help clarify wants/needs.

I don't have kids. But I imagine having to be responsible for a human being that doesn't come with an instruction manual is not easy. It's okay if loved ones get on our nerves. It doesn't mean we don't love them.

There are also apps for your phone/ipad that turn them into an AAC. Here is some info an some free ones to try.

https://aaccommunity.net/2021/10/free-aac-apps-for-slps/

You could also go old school and print something out.

https://blog.mycoughdrop.com/print-your-coughdrop-board-for-a-quick-paper-aac-backup-book/

It's normal, and not indicative of your badness or goodness to feel really strong emotions about your child. Sorry you're hurting @H3artl3ss696 . This doesn't make it any easier, but maybe lessens worries about your identity as a parent. Look at it - the emotion - as an undeniable message that some changes are needed.

You deserve and need support for your own self, in order to carry on with the strength you've been showing for your son.

I have 2 kiddos, they're grown up now (20's) . They're both doing well, thank goodness. One of them is 2e: a label which means he is intellectually gifted but also has a communication disability. I am open to talking about things in a pm if you want.

He has AAC access. It has helped but something Feels like I’m missing.

Thank you everyone.

AAC is something we have worked with and are working with. I’m sorry I didn’t bring it up. U helos but it also causes its own issues. Yes, doesn’t
vocally.

I’m not here because he doesn’t have everything. I apologize for the assumption that so thing is wrong.

It is so easy to explain on chat. It it had with words.