It's been chaos 😩

So something is going on that I will not tell but it's wrong and it's happening in our school
To stand up against it we were supposed to go to school today with our parents
I specifically thought of not wearing the uniform as we are rebelling against them
So I wore straight jeans , an oversized shirt and because it's really hot here I didn't wanna close the above two buttons so I put the collor a little behind my back and then I pull the rest of the shirt down and secured it with a belt at my waist
I do not see any problem with my choice of clothing
My father didn't took me today because he had problem and I refused to change clothes just because he wanted me to
Obviously he has shitty reasons like he has respect and there are people he know there and he don't want them to see me like this and losing his respect
I told my mom if she's willing to go tomorrow and she said no
This was all last minute , I wish I had told my father beforehand so I would've known that he will do this
I know how he is and how they are but I didn't expected that
Majority of the mindset of people here sucks so does our education system
If you're going to judge me by what I am wearing then you're the problem
Obviously you can have preferences but you can't force them upon people
Moreover I don't think anyone at school would have had any sort of problems either
I know things are not good with guys either but maybe I wouldn't be pursued or treated like this if I was a guy but I know how guys are not really expected to wear feminine clothing
The world is so fucked up
I just wanna
I was about to say I wanna kill my parents
I don't know if that makes me a psychopath
Lol
No I won't kill them neither I can
Neither I truly want to
I just wish I wasn't here
I just wish I had different parents
I wish I was not here

When will they see , they are the problem ?

On top of this my uncle was making a shitty joke about this while trying to literally climb on my face as I was walking towards him since I needed to go to the kitchen and he was standing in the way
God I felt like smacking him so bad

You sound like a strong-minded and intelligent young woman, who is passionate about her freedom and has given a lot of thought to what she wants. I am pretty sure you don't really want to kill your parents, because apart from anything else you'd go to prison, and that would an even worse hell for someone like you who longs to take control of her own life.

I mean, you say your parents are the problem, because they won't see things your way. They could equally say you are the problem, because you refuse to see things their way. The real problem is that you see things differently. They can't change you, and you can't change them. If you were living in America or Europe, I'd ask, how many more years till you're free? But maybe that's not an option for you?

Your uncle sounds like a prat.

Oh I love the insight you put here
You're right plus as much as anger blinds me in the moment , I
They do mean something to me , even if the good part is in past
( Lol does that make sense )
I know. You're right indeed , we are just different people with different everything lol
Mhm but I get frustrated when they try to put me into their molded version
I don't try to do that
I have accepted I can't change them
My only problem with them arises when they try to control me or mold me into their picture perfect version and I can't discuss with them that I can be me and they can be them because they are not open to it
They are not willing to do that because they think it's their right , cultural thing moreover I don't think either of them is willing to acknowledge new ideas and vision
I think they are narrow minded and it's a lot of other things too like maybe partriachy is still going on because men are not willing to give away the power
It's the same , why would they want to give away power ?
Maybe after developing empathy and learning more but as I said I don't think they are willing to do that
Therefore talking to them is so tough
I would have tried to be there in their healing journey but they just don't wanna do it
The only time I talked to my mom openly about my mental health one on one was in 2023 and that night she was cutting me off and she was yelling and it ( that my family isn't supportive and isn't what I thought they were ) was pretty new to me and I was really sensitive to everything so I just kept crying and then she kept yelling more and saying hurtful words.
I made an inner promise to not talk to her ( like that ) again
Over time I understood they both are like that in different ways so I don't try anymore.
I do try to be calm and like right now after your insight , reminder and because it's been few hours since that incident I can acknowledge that yea they are not monsters but I do still believe they are at wrong
And during times of anxiety , frustration , anger maybe even sadness and disgust or embarassment
Often times in the heat of the moment I do feel very strong hate
And I do hate my mom , I dislike my father but I think I will be able to let that go if we would be away.
Yes my uncle is 💀 I was about to curse again lol
Anyways he is , unhealed too lol
Yea that's not an option. I don't know when will this happen to me
I will go to college next year , hopefully that would give me some freedom.
Also , thankyou so much for replying to this. I kept thinking if my clothes were really a problem. I knew they weren't but then I was like am I just being problematic and should I have adjusted because the rebel thing we are pulling at school , I am one of the heads. I really have to be there
And I felt so hopeless for a while but now I feel passionate again , thankyou 😆
Even if my parents won't support me because of my clothing or whatever , I will go there by myself! And hopefully things just work out
Also thankyou so much for your compliments
Ah just know reading this made my mood better ! <3
God bless you licorice
Also hope you have a good rest of your day / night ❤️