Misgendered, and the more i want to be like xyz male the more he traumatises me

Anything I want to be I am the opposite of and that makes me very upset.

I can't leave the house without being afraid I'll be harrassed- and I am labelled dramatic and giving too many fucks by complaining, which is so how I want to be.

I get misgendered by complete strangers when out in public despite dressing as gender euphoric clothes as possible. They don't even recognise me but they shove female stuff in my face. It is really traumatic.

I desperately want surgery on my brain. Decrease trauma dumping, oversharing, reactivity, and pleasure from eating (sweet) food. Increase rational thought, daydreaming, dp dr, compartmentalisation, and/or risk-taking.

I'm sorry this is happening. I guess in principle they could be doing that intentionally, but maybe not. A lot of cis-gender women will wear clothes that are not stereotypically female, so they might be doing that accidentally.

Do you want to give examples of what they are doing specifically? It's ok if you don't want to, but it might make it easier to understand the situation.