I have it for as long as I can remember but I have always denied it and I guess that worked maybe or maybe it didn't but recently ( in March ) and eversince then it's been flaring up.
Badly.
I have thought about talking about it.
I am doing it right now because yes things have happened , somehow knowing you're not alone or atleast for someone else to know about your situation just feels comforting.
There are spoilers for smile ( it's a horror film franchise )
Firstly , if you don't know phasmophobia is the fear of ghosts or supernatural entities .
I do believe in them so if ever I do let go of this phobia I would need something that claims that despite their real existence and the chance that they might come infront of me , I will survive and I will be okay.
So , in the movie the entity doesn't go away or being killed because it's so strong. There have been 2 parts only so maybe in future films but till now it has really shown zero chances.
I won't go into detail because the post will be really long and stuff but it controls over your mind and alters your perception of reality and makes you believe you have defeated it only to come back again and haunt you.
It's signature thing is a creepy smile that it holds and shows to you portraying it's time and it's fucked up
Okay the reason I don't talk about my phobia is maybe it's irrational
Maybe your reaction is like don't believe in ghosts in the first place lol
But I do believe in them and I don't see that changing and as about faith in God , I don't have it strong
The attacks are so fucking random , I wasn't expecting this at all
I went out when I came back it was 1:45 am
I went to the toilet because I had to use it obviously
I started feeling it there , the fear
There's this thing I saw someone saying and I try to make sense of it to me " I am safe as long as it has not shown itself to me and I will handle it when it will come "
But then I started imagining it to actually be there and because I know actual no ways of defending it because there are none in the franchise or not a one that I can pull through alone , I was so damn destressed and in agony and fear
Whatever I came back in , drank water , went to bed and then I had two fucking nightmares
The first one felt so real..
In it the location is exactly the same as it is now
My mom sleeping right beside me , the house is dark
I am scared , I go through it somehow but then I saw a white hand peeking through the closet
I shake my mom , I ask her to wake up and help me
She is like drunk , I carry it to the closet holding her from behind while she's still asleep
Something happens , I call for my dad
Then there is just the running and laughing sound of one my cousins throughout the house and I mentally like consciously stop calling out for anyone realising that they all are after me or it's all just an illusion by the entity
Now awake but too scared to move
I dream of my school , because of this fear I am so scared of being alone
How will I live in dorm the next year
And no I don't want roomates
Mhm so I imagined that everyone went for their class and I am alone but obviously I am scared so I went to this teacher told her a lie that I had a nightmare about school therefore scared of being alone can I sit on this other class
The teacher talks with this other teacher and he allows me to sit in his class
I went to pick up my bag and the teacher whom I trusted in with my phobia even though with a lie
Slams the door of my class with that creepy smile
Somehow I came out , went to this other class
But everyone there including the teacher turns to me once the door is shut and with that creepy smile
Now that I look back so much of this makes sense with my fears and trauma
Neglecting family , being bullied , fear of abandonment , fear of losing control , not being understood , fear of loneliness idk
It's 3:25 am right now
I wish I could have healed
It just sucks I don't know what to say anymore
I also wish I had someone close
Idk how are you supposed to do exposure therapy by yourself
Feels like a waste of time especially when I don't even know if I am doing it okay
I don't distract myself or try not to when faced with this phobia but damn the nightmares and panic attacks can't control them
Might even control the panic attacks for once but nightmares..
I am so angry
Like if there's a ghost just come and take me for once and all lol
Stop this , so stressful
I know there's not , atleast not as of now
And it's my fear and imagining it even though I do believe in ghosts , if it makes sense to you
But like aghhh
I don't know what to do
Badly.
I have thought about talking about it.
I am doing it right now because yes things have happened , somehow knowing you're not alone or atleast for someone else to know about your situation just feels comforting.
There are spoilers for smile ( it's a horror film franchise )
Firstly , if you don't know phasmophobia is the fear of ghosts or supernatural entities .
I do believe in them so if ever I do let go of this phobia I would need something that claims that despite their real existence and the chance that they might come infront of me , I will survive and I will be okay.
So , in the movie the entity doesn't go away or being killed because it's so strong. There have been 2 parts only so maybe in future films but till now it has really shown zero chances.
I won't go into detail because the post will be really long and stuff but it controls over your mind and alters your perception of reality and makes you believe you have defeated it only to come back again and haunt you.
It's signature thing is a creepy smile that it holds and shows to you portraying it's time and it's fucked up
Okay the reason I don't talk about my phobia is maybe it's irrational
Maybe your reaction is like don't believe in ghosts in the first place lol
But I do believe in them and I don't see that changing and as about faith in God , I don't have it strong
The attacks are so fucking random , I wasn't expecting this at all
I went out when I came back it was 1:45 am
I went to the toilet because I had to use it obviously
I started feeling it there , the fear
There's this thing I saw someone saying and I try to make sense of it to me " I am safe as long as it has not shown itself to me and I will handle it when it will come "
But then I started imagining it to actually be there and because I know actual no ways of defending it because there are none in the franchise or not a one that I can pull through alone , I was so damn destressed and in agony and fear
Whatever I came back in , drank water , went to bed and then I had two fucking nightmares
The first one felt so real..
In it the location is exactly the same as it is now
My mom sleeping right beside me , the house is dark
I am scared , I go through it somehow but then I saw a white hand peeking through the closet
I shake my mom , I ask her to wake up and help me
She is like drunk , I carry it to the closet holding her from behind while she's still asleep
Something happens , I call for my dad
Then there is just the running and laughing sound of one my cousins throughout the house and I mentally like consciously stop calling out for anyone realising that they all are after me or it's all just an illusion by the entity
Now awake but too scared to move
I dream of my school , because of this fear I am so scared of being alone
How will I live in dorm the next year
And no I don't want roomates
Mhm so I imagined that everyone went for their class and I am alone but obviously I am scared so I went to this teacher told her a lie that I had a nightmare about school therefore scared of being alone can I sit on this other class
The teacher talks with this other teacher and he allows me to sit in his class
I went to pick up my bag and the teacher whom I trusted in with my phobia even though with a lie
Slams the door of my class with that creepy smile
Somehow I came out , went to this other class
But everyone there including the teacher turns to me once the door is shut and with that creepy smile
Now that I look back so much of this makes sense with my fears and trauma
Neglecting family , being bullied , fear of abandonment , fear of losing control , not being understood , fear of loneliness idk
It's 3:25 am right now
I wish I could have healed
It just sucks I don't know what to say anymore
I also wish I had someone close
Idk how are you supposed to do exposure therapy by yourself
Feels like a waste of time especially when I don't even know if I am doing it okay
I don't distract myself or try not to when faced with this phobia but damn the nightmares and panic attacks can't control them
Might even control the panic attacks for once but nightmares..
I am so angry
Like if there's a ghost just come and take me for once and all lol
Stop this , so stressful
I know there's not , atleast not as of now
And it's my fear and imagining it even though I do believe in ghosts , if it makes sense to you
But like aghhh
I don't know what to do
