I could never play the social game....

Don't know if anyone here relates to that.

But I just have something inside of me that makes me unable to be a "social" person.

It is like when I was 15. Everyone had their groups at school and some had at least some friends. Back then, although I had some friends, I couldn't play the part of fitting into some group.

There was those who liked sports, others liked music, some just into video game, others into drugs.

I felt that I couldn't suddenly to turn into one of those things. Maybe partially because I was a teenager that wanted to be different.

But at the same time I felt something inside of me. Something that made me feel weird. Something that felt that I was pretending just everything.

Many people were dating when I was younger, some girls approached me. I didn't care to much because I liked some girl that didn't like me.

I always felt that you should only date someone if you loved that person, or you could date that person making it clear that it wasn't serious.

But I just can't date someone just to feel less lonely. I can't hide my feelings from someone who is at my side.

I thought people respected that. But from what I see, people just don't care for no one besides their own feelings.

Girls date guys that they don't like just to feel liked back. Guys pretend they are in love just to exploit some random girl. And maybe even the exploited girl doesn't really like him at all back.

Couples pretend they have a serious thing and then they just accept that nothing really existed and then they breakup.

Some may think that I'm just autistic. But I don't think so: I really understand most of people's feelings.

I'm just someone who can't pretend. Maybe because my parents lied a lot to me just to save face I just can't agree with lying, playing with people's feelings, pretending.

@Fbr27 I have never been any good at the social game either. When I was very young other kids picked on me so much that my folks had to pick me up from school and a teacher stay with me until they did. I don't remember this. Only know about it from an old letter my mom wrote.

High school brought a hand full of friends but not many and no dating. I figured I was too ugly for that. I was fat and my folks harassed me about that. So I felt totally unacceptable. And the idea of sex had no appeal at all.

All of this has carried on into my senior years. I have lived alone for close to 50 years. Have challenges getting along with anyone at work or at church. Am retired now so don't have to deal with work. Struggle with church relationships though. But I know I need people and interactions, and I do believe in God. So I do attend church.

I remain most comfortable snuggled up alone in my own home. And that is okay.

I relate to a lot of what you have spoken about too @Fbr27. When I was a teenager, I only ever was interested in women who I really liked and respected, but they were never interested in that, I used to end up being good friends with them instead. I could never understand it, as all the other people weren't really respectful to one another and they were all having lots of different relationships.

I tried to get on with people and to be a nice person and had a few friends but was bullied at lot at school and really hated it. This pushed me into drugs at a young age and for a little while I became one of the cool kids, but the drugs really messed my head up. I stopped all of that and became more of a recluse as the years followed.

Most of my relationships now tend to be superficial work ones.

Check out this website, if your interested in doing some of the online tests - Embrace Autism | The ultimate autism resource

I have never been a social type either. I am not anti social, but I am unsocial and prefer solitude. To a point I disagree with the claim that humans are social animals. Only to the point that we get what WE want.