Ideas & Opinions what is it supposed to be?- warning: (child abuse, i think)

When I was 5-6 years old, a classmate talked to me about sex and pornography. She told me that she had seen videos about sex and that she wanted to do it. I asked her what it was. I really don't remember much, just that I wanted to leave (the entrance bell had already rung) and I told her that we could please leave, but she insisted on wanting to do it, on kissing and taking off our clothes. I told her we couldn't do that because it was time to go back to school, so I left, she took my arm and begged me to stay, I pushed her away, then she yelled that she would stop being my friend if I left...so I came back, and behind the school she started kissing me and touching me, she held up her skirt, unzipping it, I told her I was scared and didn't want to continue, she laughed and said "calm down, God wants us to do this, don't you believe in God? He wanted this to happen" then I didn't know what to feel, I'm supposed to listen to "God"

I still remember the feeling of kissing and her tongue inside, so strange and confusing, I don't know what else happened, but after a while some high school girls saw us and took us back to our classroom (my mom was the teacher) I remember hearing how these girls told them that they saw us kissing....
My mom NEVER mentioned the subject
but from that day on, it was the only thing I could think about...even going so far as to look for pornography because of what my "friend" had told me...
our friendship was always like this (at least that whole year), her telling me that she wouldn't be my friend anymore if I didn't do what she asked (I never saw her again because I changed schools every year)

Now I still don't understand, but I didn't want to hang out with the girls, I just didn't find her pleasant anymore. I think I was afraid of someone being like her, then I hated them, women (little girls my age in particular) and I didn't want to be around them. I don't know why it made me so angry, but that didn't mean I didn't have friends, I had them, and it was fun...
Anyway, there came a stage where the only thing I felt now was hatred towards her when I remembered her, because of how bad she made me feel many times, and for teaching me about sex and porn when I was so little.
Now I don't know what to think about it or how to feel

Why would a child do that to another? But it scares me to think that this has left its mark on me and my life in some unconscious way...

And then, a partner of my mom that she had when we moved to another city, tried to abuse me, I think I was 8-9 years old, he was an older man, like 40 or something, whom I HATED because he had started dating my mom and I didn't want her to have a partner, once as a goodbye he kissed me, on the mouth, using his tongue, I froze, I didn't know what to do or say, he reminded me so much of her, of that girl that I hated, feared and disgusted so much. He left, but one night when my mom was at school making classroom decorations, he came, came into my room and accompanied me to watch TV, we watched Peppa Pig, then he kissed me and asked me "is this okay? do you like it"? when he put his hand under my shirt, he touched my abdomen... it was weird, because my body had developed a little so there was something to do I guess, he pushed me against the bed, I got up, he told me to lie down, pushing me on my bed again and again, I told him I didn't want to, then I ran out of the house to look for my mom, I told her everything, she reported him, he was fired from his job, he served a sentence in prison and currently he cannot pass limits in the country (I mean, he can't go out and he can't come near the area where I am.)

I don't know if what happened to me has a name, but to this day I ask myself why she hurt me more than him, why she disgusts me more than him, and why I could stop him but not her...

For many years, I thought what happened to me wasn't anything like abuse or rape. I don't know if it was something bad, but the truth is, neither of them did anything to me, just kisses and touches.
Now I know I was probably wrong and that it really was something bad, and that those kisses and touches were things I didn't understand and didn't want ugh

Oh, and my mom cried a lot during that time, she hugged me every night and apologized

I'm sorry you went through those things.
I think your classmate was almost certainly sexually abused. A child that is 5-6 years old is not going to watch porn or engage in sexual activity with anyone if they haven't been.
I'm glad that you told your mom and he went to jail
It's hard to say. Some things just have more of an emotional impact than others. It's also true that there's a huge difference between a 5-6 year old and an 8-9 year old, so that could have been a factor.
It's still sex abuse. While there can be more severe forms, it can still have an impact on you at any level.

Agreed with what @may71 said above. I remember from somewhere that sexual behavior before puberty is a symptom of CSA. It is not an automatic sign, but it’s highly likely, and other signs can paint a picture that definitely calls for a child psychologist to have a therapeutic chat with them. Usually through play therapy, because the child lacks the vocabulary and self awareness to know it was wrong.

I read this in a book about PTSD treatment and recovery. CSA frequently results in persistent traumatic effects.

What your mom’s past partner did was definitely sexual abuse. What he did was kiss you and touch you in a sexual manner, which is indefensible regardless of the child’s behavior to stop it or not.

Especially given that he was in a position of trust/authority by way of being attached to your mother.

I’m very sorry that happened. It should never be a part of childhood, but all too often it is. The stats I got from my therapist are that 1/6 of boys and 1/3 of girls are sexually assaulted. Assuming a 50/50 split between girls and boys, that’s fully half the population, and it’s likely the numbers are understated due to children often blaming themselves for what happened, and being afraid to report it, for fear of being blamed or shamed.

It may sound weird that I know this much about CSA given that I never really experienced it (although some things happened that were definitely in the gray area), and I have limited experience working with children as an adult. I learned this from my therapist who was treating me for PTSD. She said that I exhibited signs of being an adult survivor of CSA, so we went through a couple discussions to sort of figure it out. The weird thing is that I was sexually precocious, having started feeling sexual attraction as young as 6. IDK if you want the whole story about that, though.