Venting I wish personality change plastic surgery on the brain was a thing

for real it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO distressing for all these people i see in public to view me as "overly impatient girl that screams at people and has mental breakdowns in public crying like a toddler with pantomine level emotional reactions" (the way I really do not want to be) and not "skinny chill smart guy with thick curly hair" or something (the way I really really want to be)

everywhere i go in public strangers that i dont even recognise seem to recognise me. They misgender me. They make comments about me that make me feel so miserable about myself. Many ridicule me.

the discrepancy between how i am and how I wish to be is so big, causing so much distress,

a lot of distress

I wish i could lobotomise myself with downers but I cant, i dont have access to drugs (other than weed and Otc highs).

i have to wait until fucking 15 april for mental health team

I wish NHS still did lobotomies. i want to be a vegetable, unfazed by everything unable to react.

Only you have the ability to change how others view you in public (or private for that matter). They can't view you as "overly impatient girl that screams at people and has mental breakdowns in public crying like a toddler with pantomine level emotional reactions" if you are just chilling out having a coffee, right?

People misgendering you does suck. Are you on a GIC wait list?