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My cousin's wife works third shift where I do. I work first and right as I was about to start my shift, she asks me if heard anything more about my aunt. I didn't know what she was talking about. It turns out my aunt is in the hospital.

I didn't ask what happened and I was too distracted to even talk about it or be mad about finding out that way. I don't deal with dying a d death well. When it comes to my great aunt,she is101,her memory started to go in her 90s and I feel I have been mourning her since.

I don't plan to go to her funeral. I know this is selfish of me,but look at my post history to see I'm not a good person. They say funerals are for the living and I have always hated that.

I hate death just about as much as I do living.

I'm sorry this happened.
What do you feel makes you not a good person?

Well, aside from the way I am dealing with the news that my great aunt is in the hospital, I'm just going by any of my past wrongs, along with people, particularly in authority, telling me in so many words that I'm not a good person.

Reposted the same thing above and couldn't delete. Sorry.

I'm not aware of anything that you've done in the past that was especially bad. If someone in authority tells you that you're not a good person, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. A lot of people who do terrible things are accounted of high merit, and a lot of people who do good things accounted as having low merit.

It's understandable if dealing with death is difficult for you. Maybe you could send her a card or flowers or something. That way you could make a positive gesture without having to face a funeral or the process of her death.

It's been a few days, haven't heard anything from my family and im still on edge. I feel like a coward for not calling on my end,but im afraid to .

Is there some other contact method, like email, that would be less frightening, or would all methods of contact be equally frightening?

Could you ask your cousin at work?

No, and I would rather not ask my cousin's wife a ything about this. Honestly, I didn't like it when she came up to me at work as selfish as that may be to say.

Apparently, whatever reason my great aunt was in the hospital for wasn't too serious as she is okay. I went to where she, my mother and another relative lives for the first time since November and she seemed fine as she was watching TV and eating. No one told me why she was in the hospital and I still hadn't the courage to ask. But for the time being, she is okay or as okay as someone who is 101 can be I guess.

That's good