How you get over that? Married 25 years, then she decided to move on. That was the majority of my life. Marriage and three kids. I put everything into it, but it ends. How do you move on from that? Felt like I was poison to any other woman, relationship, but it also seems like that's the only way I can move on. Catch-22? How does this work?
Marriage Died
- Thread starter Mike951
- Start date
I think you have to approach it like you would grief, so mourn the loss, but don’t let it define your future. The fact that it has ended doesn’t invalidate the time you spent together, things and people change and sometimes people just are no longer the right people for each other.
Things have ended with your wife but that shouldn’t mean things end with your children.
You need to first rediscover who you are as an individual, think about the person you want to be, the things you want to do and the life you want to lead.
Once you find yourself again then you can think about if you want another partner and what they might be like.
Things have ended with your wife but that shouldn’t mean things end with your children.
You need to first rediscover who you are as an individual, think about the person you want to be, the things you want to do and the life you want to lead.
Once you find yourself again then you can think about if you want another partner and what they might be like.
The only side i can answer if from the side that requested a separation after 31 yrs. i personally finally had validation for everything i have felt for 31+yrs now. i now know the reasons behind my desire to escape her valid. i have not been in a very.... conducive (for lack of a better word) relationship and finally had enough courage to ask for a separation back in November. Trying to figure out how to start over when everything i have, i put together and bult from below ground up. He has done nothing but be a sperm and rent donor. (sry... that is rude... however it's how i feel)
Sorry to hear you and your family are facing this. I've known several people who made it through, including myself, though not without pain. Going forward and doing something positive for oneself after the initial period of trauma and loss is a lifeline. It helps to have some sort of goal out there for yourself, even if it feels petty for now. Your children will also be healthier and stronger in response.
@Mike951
I'm sorry to hear about your marriage ending...I've been through it twice (divorce), so I do empathize.. There are a ton a resources/support groups out there. I went to a group for about six weeks during our separation (2nd) and it helped tremendously.
There's no sugarcoating it, divorce sucks, and the first few months are tough. But it gets better, even if you feel right now that it never will.
I'm happy to offer whatever support I can.
Wishing you peace. 🙏
I'm sorry to hear about your marriage ending...I've been through it twice (divorce), so I do empathize.. There are a ton a resources/support groups out there. I went to a group for about six weeks during our separation (2nd) and it helped tremendously.
There's no sugarcoating it, divorce sucks, and the first few months are tough. But it gets better, even if you feel right now that it never will.
I'm happy to offer whatever support I can.
Wishing you peace. 🙏
Hmmm....nah, not quite the same. I wasn't perfect, but I was the wife, so-to-speak, of this family. Stay-at-home dad. Did everything with the three kids. School field trips, coached them in several different sports, drove them everywhere. Cooked, cleaned, and did the "man" stuff around the house like repairs and yard shite. Pretty sure I was more than a sperm and rent donor.
Reason I posted that is because it's been forever and it's just not really going away. It didn't just happen. It's been 7-8 years now. Crazy, yeah. It was completely out of the blue. Maybe I wasn't paying enough attention, which is why it was so sudden to me. Whatever...it's way, way in the past now. It's not going away though. I put so much into the family and the future and then it all ended. Said in another comment I was a stay-at-home dad for much of our relationship. Three kids, cooking, cleaning, school field trips, coaching, volunteering, home repairs and projects. There was no real fighting, no real drama, no violence at all. Lots of family trips and outings with just us two. Wife got lipo and a breast "enhancement" and 6 months later was cheating, multiple people/times I found out. I've tried dating since but I just don't feel it. I rarely feel anything anymore, and when I do it's not good. I've tried therapy, I'm on meds, just dulls me if anything. I guess I'm just getting it out, I don't expect anyone to have the magical answer.
It takes a lot of time. I think my divorce counseling group said it takes 1 year for every 5 years of marriage to get over it on the average. It does get better. It still hurts that he is remarried and happy with his choice. On the other hand I have been lucky to have great support. Reach out to friends and your family. Vent away. This forum helped me get over the divorce. I think they got tired of me but I needed to talk away about it.
If you want you can pm me. It took me many years and lots of emotions. But I managed to survive.
If you want you can pm me. It took me many years and lots of emotions. But I managed to survive.
I can understand that for whatever reason someone might not be happy with a marriage. I can also understand that sometimes "things happen" even though someone didn't plan to cheat. It sounds though like she got plastic surgery and then cheating was part of the plan.
In any case, you deserved better than this Mike. It sounds like you put a lot of effort into both the marriage and family life but ended up with a raw deal.
Do you feel like you'd really like to be in another relationship, but not being able to trust is a barrier now, or is it something else? Do you know what's going on with your wife now, or do you not even want to know? What's your relationship like with your kids?
In any case, you deserved better than this Mike. It sounds like you put a lot of effort into both the marriage and family life but ended up with a raw deal.
Do you feel like you'd really like to be in another relationship, but not being able to trust is a barrier now, or is it something else? Do you know what's going on with your wife now, or do you not even want to know? What's your relationship like with your kids?
i realize my comment was rather rude and i apologize for that. No real excuse can be given. i just had a huge tiff with my soon to be ex and i allowed it to change my attitude, which was wrong.
i do hear what you are saying and empathize with you. i have been in your shoes with being the stay at home parents and homemaker... pretty much everything. The difference in my opinion is i am the one requesting the separation as well.
Please share anything n everything you wish, and don't let people with responses like mine deter you from posting things.
i do hear what you are saying and empathize with you. i have been in your shoes with being the stay at home parents and homemaker... pretty much everything. The difference in my opinion is i am the one requesting the separation as well.
Please share anything n everything you wish, and don't let people with responses like mine deter you from posting things.
No worries, didn't seem rude at all actually. Sorry for no reply for 5 months, just how I roll, it would seem. I sort of forget about this page sometimes for a while then get really depressed and look for an outlet, then all the sudden remember lol. Thank-you for reading and commenting though, I appreciate it, even if it took me 5 months to read
Sorry for no reply for 5 months. I sort of forget about this page sometimes for a while then get really depressed and look for an outlet, then all the sudden remember lol. Takes me a while sometimes, but I do appreciate your response. I have a pretty good idea what's going on with the ex because I still text with her quite a bit for the sake of our kids. Our youngest just turned 18, he's going thru quite a bit and tho I can't stand her, I have to stand her for the sake of him. The older kids also got their issues tho and I think the one thing me and the ex still have in common is loving our kids and wanting to help them. I really don't want to know what's going on in her life, I'd like it to all just be completely forgotten, but it seems it can't really be avoided due to the kids. And no, don't really want to be in another relationship. Well, yes and no. Trust isn't an issue though, it's completely just what's going on inside my own head. Realistically though, it's probably the only way I'd ever have any level of happiness again, but I just don't see it in my future.
I think that most men don't really have that kind of friendship with other men, where we can "reach out" to other male friends. I also only have a couple of close friends as it is. I had a few others, but those were friends that were other couples, part of our circle of friends, and of course I lost those in the divorce. Not that she got them either, but it was basically a friendship of couples and families it seemed to be, and that's no longer the case for me/us. Thank-you for reaching out though. Maybe I will take you up on it and PM you sometime, if you're still active here. And sorry for the 5 month delay in responding, I tend to forget about this site till I'm at that level again that I'm looking for something. Then I post, check out some posts of others that maybe my warped mind might be able to help someone else with lol 🙂
