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hi

A

apology

New Member
#1
#1
new here.
i've been struggling my whole life but things are just going downhill lately. i have schizoaffective disorder and bpd. i've been through a lot of abuse(it was condoned by my mother) and the rest of my family doesn't believe me nor do they understand the things i struggle with every day. i can't work and have no money. my long term boyfriend left me, it's my fault, i have too many emotions. too many even for myself to handle. i finally found a therapist where i am and now my father is forcing me to move states (to the same state where my abusive mother lives with her boyfriend, she's not even divorced my father). i'm going to be without any help, i'll lose my medicaid. it's going to take a long time to get it again, and it'll take further time to find a support system, too. i've just been stuck on the idea that ending my life would be best lately. but that's not new. i've had these feeling my whole life. it's just so much worse now. the only thing keeping me going is my dogs.
 
Mysteron Agent

Mysteron Agent

SF Supporter
#2
#2
Hello @apology welcome to SF.
Sounds like you’ve had it tough. Really tough.
Sorry to read what you’ve been through.
Great that you’ve finally found a trained therapist to help work things out.
What reasons is your father given you that you should move?
Sounds like you’re under a lot of pressure right now, so not the best time to be making the best choices. Tell us about your dogs. We like dogs.
 
Pebble mouse

Pebble mouse

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
SF Pro
#4
#4
Welcome! While I know things may be tough, I'm glad you found this supportive community. This is a safe space to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. We're here to listen and offer support without judgment.

I used to have BPD myself. After about a decade or so of therapy, I no longer met the diagnostic criteria. I hope you can do the same. Actually, most people with BPD eventually go into remission. I still have some symptoms (such as dissociation), but not much else.

((hugs)) to you.
 
may71

may71

mr. may
#5
#5
Hello and welcome to SF :)

I'm sorry you've been through so much Apology.
apology said:
my long term boyfriend left me, it's my fault, i have too many emotions
Click to expand...
I don't think it's your fault. You're not really in a position to control your emotions. Besides that, while he wasn't able to deal with your emotions maybe someone else would be.
my father is forcing me to move states
Click to expand...
Do you want to say what he is doing to force you?

Usually there's a way to make things better without making a suicide attempt. I hope SF will be able to help you find that.

I'm glad you have dogs. I love dogs. How many dogs do you have? What kind? How old are they?
 
Axel7

Axel7

New Member
#7
#7
apology said:
new here.
i've been struggling my whole life but things are just going downhill lately. i have schizoaffective disorder and bpd. i've been through a lot of abuse(it was condoned by my mother) and the rest of my family doesn't believe me nor do they understand the things i struggle with every day. i can't work and have no money. my long term boyfriend left me, it's my fault, i have too many emotions. too many even for myself to handle. i finally found a therapist where i am and now my father is forcing me to move states (to the same state where my abusive mother lives with her boyfriend, she's not even divorced my father). i'm going to be without any help, i'll lose my medicaid. it's going to take a long time to get it again, and it'll take further time to find a support system, too. i've just been stuck on the idea that ending my life would be best lately. but that's not new. i've had these feeling my whole life. it's just so much worse now. the only thing keeping me going is my dogs.
Click to expand...
Hi. We are all going through struggles. Some are worse than others.
Here are some words that have helped me through this journey.
They are from Buddhist teachings.

Life is a hard and stony path
with many traps and pitfalls
yet if one perseveres
the top is attained.

This earth is a giant classroom.
We are here to evolve our spiritual path.
We learn faster through struggles.

Persevere.
 
Tor

Tor

SF Author
SF Supporter
#8
#8
Hello there, and welcome to the forum! *shake

Sounds like you have been through so many difficult and painful experiences. It’s so easy to want to leave when it feels like everything around you is shattering. It’s okay to feel this way. I can relate to this so much. It feels like my dogs are the only things keeping me here, also.

It’s so hard to know where to start when so much is going wrong. The overwhelming sensation can make you feel like you’re suffocating. I wish I had more to offer, but I wanted to let you know that I hear you.

Even in our darkest hours, a marble of hope can be found in the company of others that know how you feel. In my decades of being online, I can say with certainty that this site is the most genuine and safe place to express your thoughts. There are amazing people here that are willing to genuinely listen with a digital shoulder for you to cry on. You are loved and you matter *grouphug2
 
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