How are you feeling

I'm dealing with guilt and grief. Guilt in my brother's death in 2014 and now my mom's death in 2024. I hate to even write this word, it seems so final, " the d" word. And grief from the two of their deaths as well as my dad's in 2010. I'm the only one left in my immediate family.

I'm sorry you're going through this Esther. That's a lot of loss to deal with.
Are there any members of your extended family that are able to give you any support? I'm sure you must be feeling very alone.

Sending safe hugs

You're welcome to say more about this if you'd like to.

Sorry to hear of your losses and hope you can find a way forward.

Thank you for responding. Unfortunately I have to go forward, if it weren't for my 3 cats, my ferals, there wouldn't be a reason to stay. It's a long story about my mom/guilty feelings bombard my mind everyday. Don't have any friends to confide in, had friends way back when but presently I don't. I have four cousins, out of the four I'd say I can converse with one who lives out of state. But it's just basic conversation about how much I miss my mom, which she then replies I should go to a Dr to get medic. for depression. I was taking something some time ago but stopped/side affects. I really wouldn't confide to my cousin my true feelings for some reason I don't feel it will be confidential and I'm a private person. I miss my father and brother as well, but the death of my mom was 2 weeks ago. Maybe this conversation should have gone to Bereavement section instead.

Oh, Man?!? Wow, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you--& so recently too @Esther e . You have my condolences. I'm sorry, supremely so, that you have guilt, on top of all of this other grief, as well. And that you are the only one left out of your original, or immediate family. I think if you'd prefer for it to be moved over to that section, you can ask a staff, or write a note to Admin - maybe? I'm not really sure how, but it can most certainly be done if that's what you'd prefer. That said: I don't think it much matters to the rest of us (where it goes), so long as you're satisfied with it. Then that is all that matters. Just wondering, you'd mentioned being on an antidepressant, or some other kind of medication for your depression in the past, but became intolerable after a certain point. Had you mentioned this to your prescribing physician? Sometimes, they may have some alternatives, is all (if you thought it might be helpful, to again be on one - only without the negative, or unwanted effects). Again, just really sorry for everything that's been happening. I've been reading a new book out on the subject, or topic of grief, recently. And maybe you're already aware of it. But at this point, since it seems as if I've brought it up several times in the last little while, I don't want people to begin to think I'm spamming the forum with it, or something. So if ever you should wish to know what that is, I can lend you the details~ // in truth: I ain't all that far through it! Number one; it's in a Kindle App? I guess - if that's what you call it... & so, since that stays pretty much closed on my computer. I tend to FORGET IT'S EVEN THERE. . . & then, there is this--it's not that you have to be in the mood to necessarily read it - or about it (as a sort of phenomenon). But you can't, "NOT" be in the mood to read it. If you know what I mean? In my case, it's been a little while. But so anyway--you may very well not quite be ready on your journey yet to confront or think about such matters in this regard, or way. As I've said, I've only gotten to that point not (All) that long ago* ^myself_. ;/ So, anyway, we'll see you around hopefully! Or, you know what I mean. Take it easy, and take care. -mr b.

I think it's ok for this to be here. The forums help to organize content, but I don't think it's handled that strictly. If for some reason you want the content moved some place else, a mod may be able to move it for you.

I'm sorry your cousins aren't much of a source of support at all.
In some cases the medication you're taking or the dosage can be adjusted to make it more tolerable. There are also some other treatment methods you could try (I could say more about that if you're interested, but it's also ok if you're not).
That's very recent. I think grief tends to be the strongest early on.
It's ok to tell a long story if you feel like it.

Sad to hear about the losses you have had happening but I am glad that you are finding and receiving support here and just tell as much as you want and need to.

Really bad. Like I suppose always.

I'm sorry it's like that @Harrow

You're welcome to say more about what's going on if you'd like to.

My mother it's always that woman. Her daughter died her other daughter left and wants nothing to do with her at all and she's going to kill me too. Because I have to struggle with this damn mental illness and of course I can't do anything except constantly get manipulated by that woman and then get called the fucking **** when she doesn't get her way. There is no escape for me. There never will be. Eventually she'll drive me to end my life.

Loss is agonising. Loss always stays. Grief and grief induced depression make sense.
You are worthy of support.
Thank you for sharing here.

I'm sorry you're having so much trouble from her. It's probably best to have another thread to discuss this further, but do you want to say more about why you can't be free from her?