Don't Know How to Talk to the Older Generation

I've been struggling with how to talk to those who are older than me. I know it shouldn't matter what other people think, but I sometimes, it bothers me that older people take what I say the wrong way. I think they sometimes think I'm rude or are trying to make fun of them when I really just am in a different generation. I'm struggling with both people in my real life and on SF sometimes. I think we all text and talk so differently that people sometimes either don't understand what I'm saying or my words are taken the wrong way. I'm already uncomfortable around older adults because I've never been able to even talk to my parents, so I'm sure it doesn't help. I think the issue is that in public, I always address everyone older than me as "sir" or "ma'am", but online, it's harder to know how old everyone is and whatnot, and I tend to talk to everyone the way I talk to people my age in real life. It's hard to tailor the way I speak to people when I don't know their age. I'm always confused when older people think I'm trying to make a dig at them, but I feel like that only really happens online. I feel like things are misinterpreted over text so easily and that they jump to conclusions so quickly without clarifying. Granted, people in my generation can be the same way. I just find that people my generation understand how easily things are misconstrued and that's why we always try to clarify, but people like my parents will always jump to conclusions and won't listen to anything I have to say before they lash out. I mean my parents are generally very rash and impatient people, and they say things that they don't mean I'm sure, but it doesn't really excuse their behavior. And, my parents and a select few others are not reasons to generalize the older generations. I think it will always be hurtful when someone older than us is unkind. I do feel disappointed in the older people in my life who either have never given me a chance or have not treated me fairly. I do think it is a bit sad when I see an older person shaming a younger person just because the older person doesn't understand the younger one and doesn't seek to understand. If they are so much older, have they not been given the time to learn how to listen and seek to understand younger generations? I can't say I understand what it's like to grow older and see things change when you liked things the way they were, but I can talk about how I feel when people from my parent's generation act the way I've described. I think my parent's behavior has made me grow wary of older generations for sure, but if anything, I have only grown to fear them and fear their reactions towards me, not disrespect them as others in my life have turned to. I think my fear and discomfort may sometimes be misinterpreted.

I forgot to mention that I am 19. *bleh

I get this. Due to my experience with an abusive parent I've sometimes had psychological issues when dealing with older people. I once quit a writing group because everyone was a few decades older than me and I felt like they didn't like hearing critiques from a younger person, and sometimes they took offence to my language or ideas.

Online in general it's pretty easy to rub someone the wrong way because we can't hear tone of voice and things that might mitigate the powerful effect of someone's comments. I've definitely been guilty of not thinking about how my words will land, and on a mental health site it can be easy to offend people.

Now I'm 54 and can just say, people are so diverse - everyone is very different no matter what the age. People won't know your age unless you tell them. From how I talk/type, people usually think I'm in my 30s unless I tell them otherwise. When I was working I had tons of older people call me "dear" and stuff because my voice sounds young as well (I worked in a call centre).

Unfortunately age doesn't always bring maturity, but please be aware that it can also be tough emotionally getting older especially if you have unresolved trauma from abuse or family issues. All of a sudden I'm the age my Mom was when I was a teenager and she was her most abusive. That is not easy. Also age can bring a lot of disappointment for people who don't have the things we are "supposed" to get with age - like a good career or financial security. It's easy to get cynical and lose our optimism.

Remember that older people don't necessarily know anything more than younger people so don't take anything too much to heart just because someone older says it. I was always intimidated by older people - now not so much lol.

I understand what you’re saying. It must be hard to be so much older but feel like you haven’t been able to fully heal from your trauma and also have additional responsibilities and stresses. I will try to be patient because I wonder if I someday will become like that as well. I think I get upset only when I start to think about my parents in comparison. I guess I always subconsciously compare a lot of older people to my parents and then I get frustrated when I feel like I am somehow more considerate than them. I see what you mean about them probably having just grown pessimistic from suffering for so long. ( That makes me feel very sad for them…. It’s hard not to take things personally from people I see as much wiser than me, but you are right that age does not always mean maturity, and you’ve given me some additional perspective on why they may act certain ways. I will try to think about that next time someone older than me is unkind. Hopefully, over time, I too can stop being intimidated by those older than me. 😅 Thank you for your kind words!

Well, there is a saying: It took me 3 years how to learn to speak, 8 how to learn to read and 50 how to learn how to listen. Let me assure you that the world has changed the last 50 years in a way like never before. Who would have ever thought we could have an internet forum? My parents mistreated me in unimaginable ways and my whole life has been a constant fight - nearly most of the time. But I won - although I am sick.
. I can assure you, that this is not only happening to you, being so young, but in my opinion to everybody. I feel with you and understand - seeing your past as well (and believe me, my mother did not speak to me for 10 years, my father 25). I was on my own. They did not even answer the phone (and to that time there was no handy). Just concentrate on those who are smart enough to understand you - the rest I would ignore if ever possible.

Tip to make you laugh: avoid to speak to Biden.

You're welcome. And I feel like I should clarify that I have actually gone to therapy for years in the past (and will again in the future go for some). Unfortunately trauma isn't something that is usually just dealt with and gone for good - and my mother still is alive (it's a whole other problem when your abusive parent is still in your life when you are older yourself- while she has mellowed a great deal she can still be very stressful and difficult). I have known many people who are 60+ and still having to be caregivers to their own parents.

Also, I have finally just in the past few years achieved a measure of financial security that I could not have dreamed of when younger, and while I am not wealthy it's good to no longer feel like a wage slave. I feel like it's really important to be grateful for that, because I know many people are still highly stressed by money issues. And because I've also witnessed many older people who are quite well off and complain incessantly about money and cost. It really bothers me when I hear someone who owns their own home outright and makes thousands per month in pensions and/or investments (yes I know people who have this) and acts like they are broke because they can't become a world traveller in their old age.

Also, some older people definitely discriminate against younger people - and I include in this people who don't acknowledge the unique difficulties younger people may face. Being "Generation X" myself, I didn't have the same opportunities as Boomers career-wise or financially, but I was still fortunate to be young in a time when I could at least still purchase an apartment and pay off the mortgage.

(in my part of the world it's no longer possible for young people to buy their own home unless they have a high-paid career or help from parents).

I have learned through my own experiences that no matter how old you are someone will misunderstand you. Some people enjoy it so much they have made it their way of life. My fil for example fit this to a T he loved picking holes in what I said, misunderstanding everything deliberately which wound me up.
I am now 53 and have learned to listen to what people say and if I'm not clear on their meaning I will ask for an explanation. I treat everyone the way I want to be treated, I speak respectfully although I do swear a lot in real life which I do apologise for if I see it isn't appropriate.
At my age I find it easier talking to young people than I do people my own age, maybe because in my mind I'm still a teenager and never really grew up. I find a lot of older people seem to feel as if they are owed respect just because of their age. Respect has to be earned in my view.
Just be yourself and not worry too much what other people think. At the end of the day you can't please everyone.

Can I call you master "Ju". Exactly what I think. But its a general problem. I have so much petty for all those young people who are bullied (for whatever reason) and can talk to nobody. They avoid talking to the older generation. I would listen - like you. If somebody does not respect me (not very often) I disregard, leave or try to laugh about being so stupid. It is strange for me to see that people get more and more materialistic, egoistic, egocentric, lovers of themselves by the day. I regret this very much. I try to live as cheap as possible, am minimalist (my removal would be two boxes) and am always helping others (when possible). As I live in a foreign country actually it does not bother me at all - I can do what I want without having to talk (if they do not want or are to stupid to listen). Respect, love, feeling for others and their needs - this is a good thing.